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:(
Posted by News Fetcher on December 19 '11 at 02:45 PM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
THAT IS ALL.

(CW)TB

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Dickerdoodles 2011
Posted by News Fetcher on December 19 '11 at 02:45 PM
By Gabe from Penny Arcade:
Looking over these Dickerdoodle submissions I have to say that you guys are some of the most offensive monsters I have ever seen. I love this kind of stuff but I am constantly amazed at how many of you share my love of the “wrong”. You’re like my own perverted version of Dumbledore’s army.

Today I found this gem and I had to share it early. I actually gasped when I saw it. Tycho came over and scolded me. He pointed at my monitor and yelled “You did this! You are responsible!”



This submission comes from Girls are Geeks. I have to say I am especially impressed with the camel whose humps appear to be testicles.

The contest isn’t over until Wedensday but I wanted to let you all know that everyone seems to have upped their game this year. I’m seeing some truly horrible things. I guess you could say that the competition this year is…stiff.

Like an erection.

Penis joke.

-Gabe out

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Deadlines
Posted by News Fetcher on December 19 '11 at 11:15 AM
By Gabe from Penny Arcade:
Tonight at midnight is the deadline for the free-upgrade promo going on in our store. If you live inside the US and choose parcel post or first class as your shipping option between right now and midnight tonight, we’ll upgrade you to priority mail for free and it will get to you before Christmas.

Also a reminder that this coming Wednesday is the last day to get your Dickerdoodle submissions in. Already my mail box is filling up with some pretty vile acts of sugary depravity. Check out my original post here for all the details on the contest.



I am back from my week at the Aulani resort on Oahu. Thanks so much to all the guest artists who stepped up and gave me a much needed vacation. The Aulani resort is really incredible, especially if you have kids. It has all the charm and polish you expect from a Disney experience combined with the natural beauty of Hawaii. My family and I had an amazing time. I mentioned this in a tweet when we first arrived but I wanted to say it here as well. This trip really made me think about what PA has meant for me and my family. Thank you guys for letting me do this.

-Gabe out

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Blurb
Posted by News Fetcher on December 19 '11 at 10:00 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
Today’s strip comes to us by way of Chuck Wojtkiewicz of Blur Studio, which is one of the most “hidden in plain sight” entities in existence. Any incredible game trailer you could care to name was probably done at Blur Studio, including that incredible Star Wars: The Old Republic one that launched a thousand pre-orders. They’re game trailers that could make you believe in Star Wars again, which is something of a feat at this late hour.
Thanks for everything.
Halfbrick regularly sports a sleek, compact booth at PAX, and I keep thinking I need to go over there and talk to them. Fruit Ninja was one of the first games my son really got into, and by Got Into I mean internalized it in a life altering way. I won’t lie; there was a lot of slashing. He was slashing it up for awhile. It got into everything.
Kids don’t understand concepts like “Intellectual Property,” let alone “Copyright Infringement.” What we think of as the domain of elseworlds, what-if fanfiction heresy is their normal mode of operation: all of their toys (or ideas) can play with each other, there’s no rule that says they can’t, and if there were such a rule it would be a stupid rule. They’re natural iconoclasts, and it’s really cool until they get around to your icons.

< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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Blurb
Posted by News Fetcher on December 19 '11 at 09:00 AM
From Penny Arcade:


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Cryptozoology
Posted by News Fetcher on December 16 '11 at 10:15 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
The second of three Industrial offerings summoned by my cohort had arrived, this time from Cryptozoic. If you aren’t already familiar with them, either via their incredible World of Warcraft TCG or Food Fight or their deckbuilding take on Penny Arcade, you’ll probably come around for their Walking Dead shit or their (ahem) “EPIC SPELL WARS OF THE BATTLE WIZARDS: DUEL AT MT. SKULLZFYRE.”

And now, they’ve offered up today’s strip. We’ve got something coming up with them that’s fittin’ to flip your wig. I’m not sure when it will be announced. I’d start wearing your wig upside down, just in case. I also have a Director’s Cut of the comic that is fully three times as long. Do you want it? Huh, huh? Well, do ya?
Monday nights are about to switch back to role-playing, as our recent series The Conflux attempts to chronicle. but I’ll be very sad to see the current model go, which has taken the form of a miniatures tournament.
< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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Cryptozoology
Posted by News Fetcher on December 15 '11 at 11:15 PM
From Penny Arcade:


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Two Store Things!!!
Posted by News Fetcher on December 15 '11 at 12:45 PM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
1. Today is the last day for free shipping. The last day, God damn you!

2. After being out of stock for a year and a half, Reversible Merch/Fleshreaper Hats iz back.

(CW)TB

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Scalzification
Posted by News Fetcher on December 13 '11 at 11:15 PM
From Penny Arcade:


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Usurpers, Plural
Posted by News Fetcher on December 12 '11 at 11:15 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
It’s true. Gabriel has ensconced his family in flying steel and launched himself toward warmer climes, and he has left the rudder in my capable grip. In reality, a series of guest works from a rotating cast of professionals was his own idea. The conversation, though, is quite true. I don’t know to what extent he is joking, I suspect it is at a threshold nearing a hundred percent, even though what I do here is essentially a condiment for his own work. My own son looks at me askance when I tell him writing is art, at which point his uncle Gabriel does his emperor laugh and swirls his cape.
I don’t think I’ve ever read a definition for art that wasn’t stupid. Generally speaking, when a person constructs a thought-machine of this kind, what they’re actually trying to do is determine what isn’t art. I have always been white trash, and will never cease to be so; what that means is that I was raised with an inherent distrust in the Hoity and a base and brutal urge to dismantle the Toity. This is sometimes termed anti-intellectualism, usually by intellectuals, when what it is in truth is an opposition to intellect for intellect’s sake. The reality is that what “is” and “isn’t art” is something we can determine with a slider in our prefrontal cortex.
If this thought-machine had any purpose other than to create a world with less art, I could cut it some slack. But it doesn’t. It’s entire purpose is to rarify art, controlling expression thereby. The aperture must be cinched, and quickly, before someone creates a cultural product without elite imprimatur. Its effete and its fucking disgusting.
Gabriel should leave more often, I’m having a fucking blast. I’m gonna spend the entire week on a kind of trachea tour, like a mad wolf, just howlin’ and biting out throats.
< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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Usurpers, Plural
Posted by News Fetcher on December 11 '11 at 11:15 PM
From Penny Arcade:


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Ultimate Battle Lizard
Posted by News Fetcher on December 08 '11 at 11:15 PM
From Penny Arcade:


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Ultimate Battle Lizard
Posted by News Fetcher on December 08 '11 at 11:15 PM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
Last night was the Child’s Play Charity Dinner & Auction, which is always a blast, and has the additional benefit of being a generosity powerhouse. The total was at 1.53 million this year when we left for the Meydenbauer Center, and when we came back, it was even more.
I stopped knowing how precisely to thank people for their support of Child’s Play before the first drive was even over, and I haven’t gotten much better in the years that followed. Suffice it to say that I have had to upgrade my general assessment of people more than once. “Thank you” doesn’t seem quite up to the task.

As happens with frightful regularity, the entire year ran right by us. Last year’s winner of “An Appearance In The Strip” - Captain Aaron Freed - loved what we had done previously for Wil Shipley, and demanded similar treatment. Well, we weren’t going to deny him. Especially given the circumstances.
The way things normally go in my mental process is that I will make a claim, and then I will feel bad about making a claim because who am I really, and I will go back to verify the original claim in a miasma of guilt. In this case, I’m still right: the UI conception of the Xbox is now substantially friendlier to Kinect while injecting tremendous ambiguities for those vile, subterranean mutants still addicted to the use of primitive controllers.
< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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Dickerdoodles 2011
Posted by News Fetcher on December 07 '11 at 03:30 PM
By Gabe from Penny Arcade:
It’s that time of year again kids!



DICKERDOODLES 2011!

So get into the kitchen and start sending me your amateur cookie porn!You should all know how this works by now. I want your photos of people making/enjoying Dickerdoodles. Every year you guys have managed to impress me with your acts of depravity. You even invented Bucookie!

I’ll post my favorites here on the site and then pick three winners. Those lucky erotic bakers will each receive a prize pack full of Penny Arcade merchandise.



Before you go cramming a gingerbread peep down your throat and mailing it to me, I want you to remember that these will be posted on the Internet. If that’s cool with you then please send me your photo and be sure and put “Dickerdoodle11” in the subject line. If you don’t use the right subject line I can’t promise I’ll see your shameful acts. You’ve got until Dec, 21st to send in your entries.

So let’s see what you’ve got this year you sick fucks!

-Gabe out

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The Conflux, Part Seven
Posted by News Fetcher on December 07 '11 at 10:45 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
Ooooooh. So that’s what he meant. I hope that you’ve enjoyed the series, as we had no real plans to make one. It just turned out this way.
This strip is probably more honest than I prefer to be about my motivations. What I like is the perfect, almost moment; I have a marked preference for Christmas Eve. The saying is that “no plan survives contact with the enemy,” and make no mistake: crafty, underhanded players certainly fit the description. But it’s more that no idea survives contact with reality. If I had to choose something to loathe about this universe, and was limited strictly to one, that would probably be it.
It’s not especially hard to force a system update on the Xbox, provided there is one to get: going into Network Settings and testing your connectivity to Live is enough. But what if you don’t actually like what you get? Then, there is no recourse. Well, you can buy a PS3, I guess. They update that system every thirty-three seconds, but they rarely “improve” it in such a way that it becomes completely alien.

I liked the screenshots I saw beforehand. Brenna, like most sentients, likes what technology can enable but has no patience or enthusiasm for pure novelty. “Newness” is a concept with no currency. So when you remove Netflix, and you remove Hulu, and then you replace them with versions that are demonstrably less useful, you impact my life in a negative way. This new Netflix app in particular is brutal and user aggressive, replacing the lavish DVD covers with endless rows of chomping shark-teeth. Most dangerously for their partners, I opened up the store to familiarize myself with it and decided I didn’t have time to learn how to pay them money. I retreated from their user experience at a full run, routed, taking shelter in Modern Warfare.
< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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The Conflux, Part Seven
Posted by News Fetcher on December 07 '11 at 07:30 AM
From Penny Arcade:


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Super Dungeon Explore
Posted by News Fetcher on December 06 '11 at 02:15 PM
By Gabe from Penny Arcade:
I picked up a copy of Super Dungeon Explore a few days ago and I’m here to tell you this game is hot! It’s not cheap though and so I wanted to break down some of my feelings about the game for you guys.

First of all I was very surprised to open the box and find all of the pieces un-assembled.



You are honestly looking at hours of building before you can even think about playing Super Dungeon Explore.



This was a project I tackled with my son Gabe and together we spent two nights (maybe 5 hours) assembling everything. Especially frustrating was the fact that a few of the models including the big Dragon Boss simply did not fit together correctly. I’ve read online that lots of people are having the same problem. In the end we got everything built except the dragon. I’ve heard you can run him under hot water and then try and bend his bits into place but I have not done that yet.

Honestly at this point I was pretty sick of Super Dungeon Explore and didn’t really have any interest in playing but Tycho told me he’d seen a very good review and so I decided to give it a try. Imagine my surprise when I played it and thought it was well worth the hours of frustrating assembly!

< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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The Conflux, Part Six
Posted by News Fetcher on December 05 '11 at 10:45 AM
From Penny Arcade:


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The Conflux, Part Six
Posted by News Fetcher on December 05 '11 at 10:45 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
The Conflux, swirling ever faster, nears its conclusion.
Flush as he was with the experience of Fourth Edition, and girded with a new convert’s zeal, it was literally impossible for him to understand complaints from the Ancients, the old guard, re: apocalyptic sunderings brought on by a new system. He could not comprehend these whorls! There were whorls.
It would be like introducing a new physics. Gaming groups are already very fragile creatures; getting people to agree on any Goddamn thing is a challenge. This is beyond challenging: altering long-loved characters and futzing with the texture of a ritual is an incredibly dangerous business, completely independent of mechanical concerns. Having no prior campaign, Gabriel could not know. He knows now.
For what I think is the now the fifth time - from a user perspective, at least - Microsoft is replacing the OS on the Xbox. Having worked tech support, I can’t even imagine the din of their call centers. The million boxes they sold on Black Friday weren’t going to people who read BLOGZ - we’re seven years in, now; this is a pale and larval creature. Christmas morning is going to get weird.
< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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PAX is Hiring!
Posted by News Fetcher on December 05 '11 at 10:30 AM
By Gabe from Penny Arcade:
We are looking to hire a special events manager for PAX. This person would actually be working at the Reed Exhibitions (our PAX partner) corporate office in Norwalk, CT. You can get all the details right here in the job listing.

-Gabe out

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