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Proven Strategies
Posted by News Fetcher on January 03 '12 at 11:15 PM
From Penny Arcade:


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Side Effects May Include
Posted by News Fetcher on January 02 '12 at 11:30 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
DAS RIGHT MOTHAFUCKAS



Here is today’s strip, which I will get into momentarily, but I’ve just now realized that I could leave this graphic up and nine times out of ten it would probably be fine.
Writing The Trenches every week is a high point for me. I wasn’t entirely certain that “opening our relationship” to incorporate a third conscious being would result in even a single strip being created. I was wrong, though. We’ve made tons.
Scott Kurtz thirsts for communion; his working modality is to engage in what Brenna would call “Stitch and Bitch.” Gabriel and I talk about random shit when we are spinning up, but Scott wants to talk about actual things: relationships, boudoir proclivities. In other words: real talk. Two sessions ago, our Scott-directed dialogue necessitated diagrams from each of us in order to elucidate certain particulars. I went over to take a picture of it, so you could see, but his drawing is more or less photorealistic. Mine incorporated a devil mask, an altar, and a pitchfork, not to mention four mottled feet of brutal, almost scythe-like dong. Gabriel’s depicted a fairly normal scenario of two people doin’ it, which he seemed to think represented some radical new sexual technology.
Last time we entered the comic strip equivalent of “the hexagon,” I revealed my endurance secret. Hence the strip.
Upon his completion of TOR’s Esseles “Flashpoint,” which a World of Warcraft player might call an “instance” even though there isn’t really a direct analogy, Gabriel sent me a mail which read:

Start playing star wars

< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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Side Effects May Include
Posted by News Fetcher on January 02 '12 at 12:15 AM
From Penny Arcade:


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Christmas Eve D&D
Posted by News Fetcher on December 30 '11 at 04:45 PM
By Gabe from Penny Arcade:
I was asked to run a D&D game on Christmas Eve for my wife and some friends. I decided to take the opportunity to try and give them an Christmas themed adventure. I kicked around a lot of ideas that mostly involved helping Santa. Then I thought of A Christmas Carol and it seemed ready made for a D&D adventure.

My first problem was figuring out a way to fit the party into the story. Initially I considered having them fight each ghost on behalf of an unrepentant Scrooge. I was excited by the idea of building monsters based on each of the spirits. That option removed the emotional payload of the story though. I thought my players would rather facilitate the redemption of Scrooge along with the ghosts rather than destroy them. So I needed a reason for the spirits to want/need the parties help.

I had the party start out in the town of Grayce. I explained they they had been gone on for a month collecting materials for a special medicine. The stable master’s son has fallen terribly ill and lacking a proper cleric in the town he is reallying on the old women and their folk remedies. The party returns from the errand late at night and rushes immediately to the stable master’s home. Here I turned the reigns over to my players and let them speak with the father and mother as well as inspect the boy. After a bit of discussion they discovered the boy’s name is Timothy and that the town is ruled by a greedy, evil lord. I saw a few smiles go around the table and then they asked about the lord’s name. “Why it is the same as before you left on your quest. Ebeneezer Scrooge.” says the boy’s father Bob Cratchet. The realization was a great moment and the party decided they wanted to go meet scrooge right away.

They were in a hurry to go but I read them this as they left the Cratchet home.

< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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Fungible Assets
Posted by News Fetcher on December 29 '11 at 11:15 PM
From Penny Arcade:


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I wwebsite as on the internet
Posted by News Fetcher on December 28 '11 at 10:45 AM
By Gabe from Penny Arcade:
Wow, that escalated quickly! There is even a humerous web video! Kotaku has an article that covers how this whole Ocean Marketing thing is winding down. It seems Ocean Marketing is “out of business” and Paul is no longer representing the Avenger. A new PR guy has been brought in to try and right their sinking ship. I think it’s fair to try and separate Paul’s actions from the actual product. It’s very possible that he was simply the marketing guy here but I’ve also heard that he is at least a part owner in N-control the company that makes the Avenger. I’ll be very curious see how this all shakes out.

I don’t know if anyone is actually attacking Paul’s wife and kid. Honestly I don’t even know if he has a wife and kid. Maybe the mayor of Boston is his wife? Anyway, If they are real, none of this is their fault and I think we can all agree that they should be left alone.

The comic today is 100% true. I was grinning all night as Paul sent me each new email. I am absolutely an unapologetic asshole, but I try as best I can to be your asshole.

Hmm, that didn’t come out quite right.

-Gabe out

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Real Talk
Posted by News Fetcher on December 28 '11 at 07:15 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
We weren’t entirely certain how long Semen “Week” could possibly last;
we simply had two strips, two data points, which was enough to draw a
line. But it’s not like we’re philosophically dedicated to the
fluid. Plus, I have someone in my employ who is obligated to create
literally any logo I tell him to. Like this one, let’s say.



It’s hard to resist using such a power for evil, very hard, which is
why I don’t ever resist it.

I am notorious primarily for my association with Mike Krahulik, as
opposed to anything I ever did; I befriended someone interesting
almost twenty years ago which ultimately resulted in my making .jpegs
for a living. I’d like to say I know why I did that, took that
initial step, but I don’t. I’d like to say that I sensed some
complimentary shape in his mind, a fact which has certainly
been borne out. Perhaps I recognized not an equal, but an opposite:
someone with whom I could, in aggregation, amount to a single useful
being. Either of those would be nice, but they’ve got that retcon
tang. What I understood at some level was that if I had the
choice of being his friend or his enemy, I should choose the former.
He is like a Goddamned animal in many ways and is not to be fucked
with. Especially
if you’re in the wrong
, but even if you think you’re right.

Even if you are right.

I’m telling you this because I’m perpetually right and I still can’t
win with this fucker. I am the monk, and <a
href="http://www.egodialogues.com/words-language/2monks-scorpio.php">he
is the scorpion</a>. I like to tell it that way because it makes my
laziness and banality seem like virtues.

(CW)TB out.

<a>here i am

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Real Talk
Posted by News Fetcher on December 28 '11 at 07:15 AM
From Penny Arcade:


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an update
Posted by News Fetcher on December 27 '11 at 03:16 PM
By Gabe from Penny Arcade:
I just wanted to post an update with some of the stuff that has happened over on my end with regards to all this Ocean Marketing stuff.

Around midnight last night Paul sent me a mail saying that I could expect to hear from their attorneys. As of right now that still has not happened and honestly I don’t expect it will. Our attorneys (who are real people with an office and everything) are ready should it get to that point though.

At 7:12am this morning I got another mail from Paul. It was one line and simply said:

“You have the power Mike Please make it stop”

The reality is that once I had posted the emails I didn’t have the power anymore. The Internet had it now and nothing I said or did was going to change that.

An hour later I got a more complete apology:

Hey Mike,

I just wanted to apologize for the way our emails progressed I didn’t know how big your site was and I really didn’t believe you ran Pax , So for what’s its worth I am very sorry. Your post has obviously made my life very difficult and I have not slept yet dealing with all the spam and personal information intrusion as well as my family being smeared on the internet.

If you can please accept my apology and anything you can do to help if not me my son and wife please do. I have apologized to Dave and apologized to you what else can I do please tell me so I can make things good. I obviously care or I would not be emailing you.


< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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Just Wow!
Posted by News Fetcher on December 26 '11 at 11:45 PM
By Gabe from Penny Arcade:
I got an incredible email today from a Penny Arcade reader. Dave shared with me an email chain between him and Ocean Marketing (the folks behind the Avenger controller) Trust me when I tell you that this is one wild ride. I’m serious, Mr. Toad would look at this ride and just give a slow clap while shaking his head. I have tried to arrange this as best I can in chronological order. I’ve also removed email addresses and other private information. So let’s just jump right in, here is Dave’s first mail to Ocean Marketing:

From: Dave

To: Ocean Marketing

Dec 16, 2011, at 1:34 PM

I ordered 2 of the upcoming PS3 controllers (invoice xxxxxxxxx—Nov 3, 2011). Any chance of getting an update of when these items will ship? I’m not really happy about being forced to pay upfront then have the advertised date of “Early December” be completely missed without any sort of update on availability. I really need one of them for a X-mas present as well. Anyways, looking forward to finally using one of these bad boys. Thanks and happy holidays.

-Dave

From: Ocean Marketing

To: Dave

Dec 16, 2011 2:45 PM

Dec 17

- Paul Christoforo

From: Dave

To: Ocean Marketing

Dec 19, 2011, at 11:02 AM

Thanks for the reply Paul. Can you clarify whether my particular order already sent or if Dec 17 was the first day shipments went out? I have not received any sort of shipping confirmation email or tracking information.

From: Ocean Marketing

To: Dave

Dec 19, 2011 11:21 AM

They still haven’t shipped yet on the way here from china

From: Dave

To: Ocean Marketing

Dec 20, 2011 4:29 PM

So then delivery to customer doors by December 24th is no longer likely correct? Do you have an estimated date of when units will arrive in California? Thanks.

From: Ocean Marketing

To: Dave

Dec 20, 2011 5:11 PM

They are in the USA now in customs so its wither before or after Christmas.

From: Dave
< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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Good Data
Posted by News Fetcher on December 26 '11 at 10:45 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
It’s the most wonderful time of the year! That’s right, I’m talking about



When we were codifying today’s strip, Gabriel was worried that people (you, presumably) wouldn’t understand that the story was in fact true. I said that we could begin the comic with “True Story,” which is the customary procedure for tales of an ambiguous authenticity. But he countered, and rightly, with the assertion that the strip is itself a realm of thoroughly questionable provenance, and insertion into that space subjects any claim to the devolving effects of its “Whopper Field.”

So, let me be clear, in my zone of marginally increased veracity: TRUE.
For Christmas this year, I gave the gift of Crokinole. It’s a board game in the “action” or “dexterity” vein, which means that unlike most games that have risen to prominence in the global Eurogame revolution, at no point does one amass wheat.


< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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Good Data
Posted by News Fetcher on December 26 '11 at 08:30 AM
From Penny Arcade:


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New PATV
Posted by News Fetcher on December 23 '11 at 12:45 PM
By Gabe from Penny Arcade:
This week, on a very special Penny Arcade TV…

Episode six of my life is online now. Recently it’s been wedding central around this place. This latest episode attempts to document the ridiculous amount of love getting proclaimed up in this joint.



-Gabe out

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The Maestro
Posted by News Fetcher on December 22 '11 at 11:15 PM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
I wore the only sweats I had one day, ancient sweats, because I had to go to the gym and be debased by a man I’m ostensibly paying to improve me. Their coating of wholly undefined materials in the “cream” color spectrum brought me no end of abuse at work, which lead to today’s strip. It’s here, and that’s how we’re kicking off…



It’s like Shark Week on the Discovery Channel, but with one key difference.
I played through the whole of Assassin’s Creed: Revelations on a debug kit, though I understand it was the final version. Having consumed the campaign in its entirety, I didn’t know if I was going to purchase the retail game even though I loved the multi last time around. This was until Kiko - our group’s other Scout - applied only the slightest pressure.
If you weren’t already aware, the multiplayer in Assassin’s Creed is very much like the single player game in terms of its traversal stuff, it’s meandering throngs, and its ubiquitous hay bales. Except instead of unravelling a multimillenial plot, you’re skulking around trying to get one kill at a time while trying to look increeeeeedibly noooooormal.
< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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The Maestro
Posted by News Fetcher on December 22 '11 at 11:15 PM
From Penny Arcade:


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Inevitability
Posted by News Fetcher on December 21 '11 at 11:15 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
The TRIUMPHANT RETURN! etc.

I played plenty of Star Wars: The Old Republic during the beta, with entry points at various versions, enough to say that it was entirely possible that they had done something cool. This is why I rarely play betas anymore: this “possibly cool” scenario. It’s the rule. Every earthly force conspires to devolve the “possibly cool” into the “Man, woudn’t that have been something.”
Let’s speak to the strip, though: the third panel in particular. There might have been a time where going Free To Play would be considered a dark portent, like merging servers. Independent of the purely inauspicious, there might have been a time where the model itself was a rough-hewn indicator of quality. Right? It says “we have made a game that no right thinking person would purchase.” Doesn’t it? Except, in practice, that’s not what happens.
This is a very old story, much older than the consumer Internet. It’s all very well to have a revolution in the distribution of information, but if all the old pylons and megaliths are in place, if all the ancient obeisances must be made to the nine Dark Princes, and if every waystone requires a discrete offering you haven’t accomplished much. You’ve ported scarcity. Something weird happens when you let people have things, when you allow those conduits to move. This site is a good example.
< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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SW:TOR
Posted by News Fetcher on December 21 '11 at 10:45 AM
By Gabe from Penny Arcade:
I quit playing the Star Wars Beta months ago because I didn’t want to spoil he game for myself. I think that statement alone says a lot about the sort of MMO Star Wars is. Now that the game has launched Kara and I have jumped back in and we’re having a great time. We have not experienced any of the long queue times or crazy lag that so many people seem to be complaining about. I understand that there are plenty of people having technical issues with the game but I can’t speak to that.

I’m playing a different class than I did in the beta and so I’m getting a brand new experience. I’m just amazed at the quality of the class specific story-lines. The mission objectives and dialog choices really help you develop a character and not just an avatar. I mentioned this when I talked about the Beta a while ago and to me it really is the defining difference between SW:TOR and other MMO’s. While playing last night with Scott he explained that his bounty hunter was all about completing her contracts and getting credits. She didn’t let her feelings get in the way of the job. He was thinking about this before his character was even level 10. I’d be very surprised if he had any idea what sort of “person” his Troll Shaman was in WOW.

Kara is playing a Sith Inquisitor. A couple nights ago she was complaining that being bad was difficult and she was struggling with some of the dialog options. Last night she was volunteering to help torture people and was actually pissed when we accidentally gained light side points. Bioware has always done an incredible job of putting you in your character’s shoes and making you care about them. The fact that they have managed to transfer that into the MMO space is a fucking triumph in my opinion.

-Gabe out

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Inevitability
Posted by News Fetcher on December 20 '11 at 11:15 PM
From Penny Arcade:


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It Ain’t Even About The Christ-Lord
Posted by News Fetcher on December 19 '11 at 03:00 PM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
These people care catching whatever you have and they are getting SICK. You are catalyzing the end Goddamn times!

(CW)TB

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How can you be offended?
Posted by News Fetcher on December 19 '11 at 02:45 PM
By Gabe from Penny Arcade:
you don’t even love Jesus!

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