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No Mouth Disease
Posted by News Fetcher on October 04 '11 at 09:45 PM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
We try to take a vacation of some kind after PAX, when we can, and now that an entire month of preparation has passed we’re entering into the realm where such things are feasible. Where are we going? We have two strips that will detail the journey with frightful specificity, and the first of them goes up on Friday. In addition, as sometimes occurs, I have secured the services of an elite cadre to manage the newspost - beings whose unique character and experience are calibrated to nourish you in my absence.
That’s the intention! That’s the intention. I never really know what to do with myself on vacation. I’m one of those people who always feels like they’re doing something wrong if they relax, something dangerous, as though some omnipresent leopard were waiting for my guard to slip. Maybe there is a fucking leopard. There’s gonna be a leopard packed into the overhead bin, and he’s gonna expand in mid air like one of those canned snakes.
Let’s talk about something else.

We are (I think it is fair to say) flabbergasted by the technology in Rage. I’d use a more workaday word if I thought it could capture the sheer boogita-woogita, jowls flapping in slow motion nature of even the first few minutes above ground. An id game without robust configuration, or even what we might call configuration of any kind, was a real surprise - to alleviate tearing, Gabriel had to force vsync in the driver itself. Still flabbergasted, even without discrete sliders for Flabber and Gast.

I do wonder if we’re done with silent protagonists, though. id games are always feel a bit retro everywhere but the renderer, and almost immediately you’re presented with a scenario that affects the “solidity” of a world that is, in every other way, real. They’ve taken great pains to make it so, which is what makes this so strange.

< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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The Affwiction
Posted by News Fetcher on October 03 '11 at 09:45 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
Given the disrespectful manner of my treatment, my husk is holding up super well! I hate it, and I hate the idea of it, it’s my enemy in addition to being a kind of prison, but aside from the occasional twinge of piercing, mysterious pain, this thing just keeps on going. Sure: there are the occasional parasitic lumps, sucking out my vitamins. But it’s mostly cool. My teeth are rarely pulled out by a Charleston Chew.
Gabriel’s body is always resentful of their arrangement - always quick to dispense abuse. Sometimes, when we are in an airplane, one side of his face becomes paralyzed. Sometimes his jaw will squeeze a nerve in the side of his head, and even though the worst pain he knows is eating part of his skull, we have a panel to do and he must approximate humanity for the next hour and a half.
Sometimes he will try to eat a piece of fresh, ripe fruit, because we are fucking omnivores, and we respond at a fundamental level to everything that fruit represents. It is at this point that his lips become plump, hideously so, like some Hollywood cautionary tale. This causes him to spend an evening cross referencing symptoms, pacing the skeins of an infernal Web, until he is able to craft himself an entirely custom apocalypse.
I’ve managed to tuck several hours into Dark Souls, the multiplatform followup to the Sony published/From developed grindhouse RPG grudgefuck. You’ll be entirely at home coming over from Demon’s Souls, if you were one of the people exposed to one of the greatest surprises of this console generation.
< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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The Affwiction
Posted by News Fetcher on October 02 '11 at 11:15 PM
From Penny Arcade:


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League of Legends for Child’s Play
Posted by News Fetcher on September 30 '11 at 02:30 PM
By Gabe from Penny Arcade:
We will be playing League of Legends tonight. That’s pretty much what we do every night but tonight is special. Tonight we will be playing for Child’s Play along with some folks from Riot and the 10 Win Streak crew. You can hit up this site tonight at 9:00 PST to watch a live stream of the games. That’s right, You’ll be able to watch Tycho and I along with some other PA people get our asses handed to us by the jerks who made the fucking game.

Seriously though this is a fun site. The 10 Win Streak crew attempts to do just that. Their goal is to win ten games in a row with a given champion. You can watch all their games and donate to Child’s Play on their site.

-Gabe Out

-Gabe out

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Gamer Crest
Posted by News Fetcher on September 30 '11 at 01:30 PM
By Gabe from Penny Arcade:
I think Erika has really outdone herself with this latest deign The Gamer Crest is available in Mens and Ladies. So you can get one if you are a man or a lady.



-Gabe out

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Warehouse Sale
Posted by News Fetcher on September 30 '11 at 01:30 PM
By Gabe from Penny Arcade:
Some stores tell you that they “have a warehouse, nut they don’t make you shop in it.” Well we have a warehouse and we do make you shop in it. We are opening the doors on October 22nd and slashing prices! Tycho and I will be there along with most of the PA crew. We will have big discounts as well as some out of print and hard to get stuff.

It’s not a very big location so we are asking people to sign up for a time slot if you want to come down and shop. You can find all the details and reserve a slot right here.

-Gabe out

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Probably Not
Posted by News Fetcher on September 30 '11 at 09:15 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
You’ll need some basic information to get the most out of the strip; I won’t even link it yet. The main thing you need to do is to get your mitts on the demo for Burnout Crash. Get it right away. Oh, you’ve already played it? You’re licensed for strip viewing. If not, you need to go get it. You need to play Rush Hour.
And you need to familiarize yourself with Dr. Beat.
You may find that you have become obsessed with Dr. Beat. You may find yourself wondering if he is a medical doctor or if his doctorate is in beats themselves. His distinctive, infectious intro music generates instant rapport, builds his personal brand, to the degree that the Rush Hour game type is boiled down to these brief, often explosive visits.
In Burnout Crash, you blow up your car to blow up other cars in an attempt to create barriers out of the wreckage. Each mode has a few philosophical distinctions, but Rush Hour is about not letting cars escape. When five cars have gotten through your gauntlet of shredded sedan, you lose - unless Dr. Beat can navigate through the same gauntlet. It’s an inversion of the usual goal, and it’s fun, because while the game’s ordinary drivers will swerve up on the curb, perform a “Brodie,” twist all out and get buck to avoid your shit, Dr. Beat makes almost no effort. Dr. Beat doesn’t give shit, and his vehicle’s intense flammability coupled with a pervasive ennui means that more often than not your “savior” is just the topmost body on a growing pile.
< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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Probably Not
Posted by News Fetcher on September 30 '11 at 01:15 AM
From Penny Arcade:


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Try Our Decrepit Foot-Rags
Posted by News Fetcher on September 28 '11 at 10:15 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
The reason the electrified parts of the world have not ground to halt altogether is that the Diablo III beta includes only subset of a percentage of a portion of a slice of a morsel of the first part of the game. Well, we have been there, we have done that. And we’ve gotten the boots.

I talked about the “spirit” having gone out of the plastic when it came to youth fetishes; and it’s like that with Starcraft II for me. I’m not saying it isn’t good, I know it’s good. I simply know it too well. How can a game come out ten years later, which seems like a long time, and ultimately make me feel exhausted? I know where the problem is, believe me. I love watching other people play it. But whatever receptors I had for it are gone.
I came into the beta of Diablo III with a sizable chip placed squarely on my shoulder, a chip of substance, very nearly a pauldron. The reality is that Runic games makes a twenty dollar version of the Diablo series with grace and expertise that satisfies the starving gecko in my brain which longs to click. I played the sequel at PAX, and it’s incredible; I would buy the game for the idle animation on the female Berserker alone. You see “tough” barbarian-types, you see “crazy” ones, there’s a pronounced “noble” strain - but you don’t see wild, for some reason, which I thought was the point. Her eyes are rolling around in her head like marbles. I’ve never seen the like.
< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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Try Our Decrepit Foot-Rags
Posted by News Fetcher on September 27 '11 at 11:15 PM
From Penny Arcade:


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Burnout Crash
Posted by News Fetcher on September 26 '11 at 01:45 PM
By Gabe from Penny Arcade:
I picked up Burnout Crash this weekend and could not put it down. I’m serious, I downloaded it at about 10:00am and at 9:00 at night Kara and I were still playing it. We needed to get the house cleaned that day so we played in shifts. While she did a couple levels I would vacuum the family room. Then I would play a few levels and she cleaned up the kitchen. Gabe was out at a birthday party all afternoon so we only had to neglect the baby. By the end of the day we had racked up 192 stars.

The next day was my birthday and I had some friends over. Everyone who tried a level said the same thing: “just let me do one more!” The controller got passed around the couch all night and then they went home and I saw them pop up on on XBL playing it! The game is crack.

I don’t usually read reviews but when I started telling Tycho about Burnout he told me that they were very mixed. It looks like some people don’t like the announcer. An option to turn it off would be cool but it didn’t detract from my experience obviously. The other complaint I saw is that the game is too random. That your skill does not automatically equal a high score. I’m not sure this one is as fair. It is true that the game has a lot of random elements but that’s what makes it fun. This is not a puzzle game like Tetris where you you are trying to play skillfully so as to avoid chaos. This game is chaos and you are trying to play skillfully so as to manage it. There is no question that each one of these intersections is a cluster fuck. The trick is being fast enough and skilled enough to ride that mess to victory.

< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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Dominion Sans Bullshit
Posted by News Fetcher on September 26 '11 at 11:00 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
You can now play Dominion without facing in a particular direction or making an obeisance to (insert god here).

(CW)TB

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Technically It’s Gung Fou
Posted by News Fetcher on September 25 '11 at 11:15 PM
From Penny Arcade:


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Get The Merch In Firefall (Apparently)!
Posted by News Fetcher on September 23 '11 at 01:00 PM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
They gave me a chance to write The Merch into the fiction, and I didn’t pass on it - it actually woks, in a weird way, and bears within it a dark secret. In any event, they’re running a referral thingy you can use to get a Merch pet.

(CW)TB

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New Store Stuff
Posted by News Fetcher on September 23 '11 at 01:00 PM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
Brian wanted me to mention a few new items from the mercantile wing, and I’m only too happy to do so. One may receive $5 off any poster simply by leveraging this powerful code: L2P2011. Good ‘til the end of month, perfect for covering up that scored portion of the wall or door you’ve been practicing on with your ninja stars. There are also SHIRTS! Plural.


From the Blamimation, for Women and Men (which is a really good song, coincidentally)



Pour Les Hommes and also Women (I forget the French word)



For Men et Les Femmes (I looked it up)

(CW)TB

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The Backyard
Posted by News Fetcher on September 23 '11 at 09:45 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
Every now and then, Dominion - the new gametype for League of Legends - pops up in the matchmaker. If you hear that this has happened, you want to be in there. The queue might be, like, forty minutes. Log in, and then do some laundry. Sand a neighbor’s deck. Then, come back and see where this genre goes next.
My numbers stripweren’t all that bad</a> yesterday, honestly. I won twice as many as I lost, which (I think) bins me with the “demi-competent.” We lost the first game because even though we were playing with our regular “champions” in a game ostensibly contained within the League of Legends executable, we were no longer in “Kansas” where Kansas equals the game we play every other night. The hardest thing to learn about “moba” games, for us anyway, was learning where the Commit threshold is. The penalties for death are so brutal, and the reward for the opponent so plump, you learn to flip between hyper-awareness and savage bloodlust. There is a time to chase, and that time is determined by the Commit threshold.
Here, you win the game by holding zones. Specifically, by holding more zones than your opponent. You tick down “hit points” on their “Nexus” whenever you have more, and the amount you tick down is equal to how many more zones you have. That’s not rocket science, but I’m telling you so that you can win the game I lost: you don’t have to fully engage every person you see. The threshold is like the floating point of the needle, always dancing a bit, and you need to listen to it. Chasing someone away from a point, or delaying a capture until help arrives will win you games. At least, at our level of play. I imagine the team made up of players with inherent teleports is gonna be rough trade.
< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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The Backyard
Posted by News Fetcher on September 22 '11 at 11:15 PM
From Penny Arcade:


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Drawing Live Right Now!
Posted by News Fetcher on September 22 '11 at 12:30 PM
By Gabe from Penny Arcade:
Watch live video from Penny Arcade on www.twitch.tv

If you’d like to participate in the chat you can follow this link.

-Gabe out

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You Got Your Bas In My Relief
Posted by News Fetcher on September 21 '11 at 10:15 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
As a generality, a game’s “writer” has a task similar to a composer for film: they “score” the game, a game that is already in various stages of completion, using language.
People have an idea about creative works as being inviolate somehow, when it’s all just monkeys banging things together. Maybe there’s some romance left for the sole operator; that person is welcome to embroider a personal mythology, and you’re welcome to buy in. As soon as you rely on any other person to create a work, buckle up. There will come a time - maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow - where you will be up to your ass in blood.
Why are these things done out of sequence so often? Creating content is almost mindbogglingly expensive compared to (for example) a single British lady typing her fucking ass off in the middle of the night, which is her day. There’s a reverse engineering aspect to the writing of (most) games as a moment to moment experience. I say most, because I’ve been to Irrational Games, and I’ll be Goddamned if it works that way over there.

There is a story in Gears to spoil, regardless of what the strip may say. It answered a question that I didn’t know had even been asked, and it withheld the only answer I was actively seeking. Whether or not you can actually spoil a game like this for Gabriel is another matter: in the same way he is horrified that I can read an entire issue of JLA (let’s say) in thirty seconds without looking at a single picture, his ability to glide through a narrative without absorbing it - without getting any narrative on him - is shocking. I honestly don’t know how we’re able to communicate at all, our experience of consciousness has almost no overlap.
< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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You Got Your Bas In My Relief
Posted by News Fetcher on September 20 '11 at 11:15 PM
From Penny Arcade:


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