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News - The Ante
Posted by News Fetcher on August 24 '15 at 11:15 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
I really didn’t enjoy the small amount of time I spent with Toy Soldiers: War Chest and I’m not one hundred percent sure I’ll be back.

I don’t think the game feels good to play, and the game’s identity is diffuse to the point of obliteration. It’s probably important to note that I was trying it on Xbox One, maybe that matters in some way. It doesn’t look very good, the visuals can be muddy to the point of illegibility, and it doesn’t run super well. The economy in this thirty dollar game starts looking like a F2P title really quick. I legitimately wonder if the game wouldn’t execute its new identity - that of a clearing house for nostalgia - better as a freemium iOS title. Reading that line again, it seems like I’m being a bad man. I’m not trying to be a jerk, though. Remember? I’m the nice one. Well, sometimes. Depends on who you ask. I’ve discovered that assholes tend not to like me. But mainstream paeans like Legacy Brands travel far in that channel, and they have the licenses.
It comes up in the strip, too: typically I’m the one who has to lead the charge to give games a shot. Making things is hard and I want to recognize that, but there’s fewer days ahead than behind, or whatever. I gave them my money, they’ll have to content themselves with that. I’ve decided I’m going to play fun games for a while.
For example: the CoDBlOps3 beta is just about up, and I’ll be Goddamned if they didn’t get a purchase out of it. The last couple haven’t stuck for some reason. I bought Tiger Woods every year because I had a good year with it one time, and then I bought it for a few years after because I wanted to get back to that year; I chased this ghost around the block.
< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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Comic - The Ante
Posted by News Fetcher on August 23 '15 at 11:16 PM
From Penny Arcade:

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News - Funny Story
Posted by News Fetcher on August 21 '15 at 04:00 PM
By Gabe from Penny Arcade:
At the very first PAX in 2004 there was a daring theft. One of our banners, THIS banner actually

was stolen in the night! Remember when PAX was 24 hours? Yuck.

Anyway, the thief was chased but escaped and we assumed the banner was gone forever. However at last year’s PAX prime here in Seattle, we received an incredible gift. The banner that had been lost was returned and the man who gave it to us confessed to having committed the crime!

The story he told was fantastic. The plan he hatched to get it, how he eluded capture, then how he lived with his trophy for an entire decade. I think he figured we’d be mad but we just laughed and laughed. We shook his hand and thanked him for returning it. We forgave him right there on the spot.

But we did not forget.

Recently Ian (let’s call him Ian since that is his real name) hung a rather large Broncos flag in his office.

This is a photo of said flag

but it is no longer hanging in Ian’s office. No, it is currently hanging over MY couch in MY office.

How do you like that shit Ian? Don’t worry, you can have you’re flag back.

In ten fucking years.

-Gabe out

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News - Stuff you can buy.
Posted by News Fetcher on August 21 '15 at 10:18 AM
By Gabe from Penny Arcade:
Hello Penny Arcade readers. I’d like to introduce our merchandise guy Brian. He is not good at Fantasy Football like me and he is very physically fit. He’s going to talk about merchandise at PAX Prime.

-Gabe out

(click for the big version)

PAX! It’s soon. SO SOON! If you’re planning on coming, you’re probably excited about a lot of things. Somewhere down near the middle of that list might be some show merch. I’m here to tell you that you should move merch higher on the list. Way higher. We’ve got a great stuff this year. New stuff! Stuff you have probably not even IMAGINED!

Here’s a shortlist of JUST the PAX Exclusive items we’re going to have: Playmats, Scarves, Foam D20s, Water Bottles, A New Mug, Pins, T-Shirts, Posters.

Plus… and I’m separating these because I want to highlight them.

A super-limited edition giclee print of the program cover art (we’ll only have 100 per day).

Astro A38s (their new wireless headsets) with exclusive Penny Arcade tags.

And… for the first time ever, a PAX Hoodie. We went all-out on these. Premium, fleece-lined sweatshirts, with our own pattern lining the hoods and embroidered designs on the chest and across the back. They are seriously sweet!

You can also get an exclusive drawstring backpack as part of a PAX Combo set. It includes the bag, the PAX Waterbottle and a t-shirt all together for $60.

< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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News - The Omniway
Posted by News Fetcher on August 21 '15 at 10:01 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
The top-line bit in any story about Fig - a Kickstart-alike from a gaggle of crowdfunding apex predators tired of paying Kickstarter’s fees - is that there is a route here to get equity in the games produced. Eventually they’d like that to be broadly applicable, but for now, it turns out there are laws that govern this type of speculation. It requires that those who partake in the ritual be Accredited Investors, which means among other things that they have money to lose. It presents a scenario where you could lose your shirt funding a game where you play as a shirt in a world where shirts have been outlawed.

Becoming an Accredited Investor is no simple matter, and indeed, involves the renunciation of matter itself. The six “mouths” referred to previously may not be mouths at all but a sequence of six conduits one must traverse, devoured by a succession of increasingly sparse realities, until only intention remains. Then, and only then, can you fund a kinda 16-bit lookin’ indie roguelike.
Over here we are set to the PAX channel and it is running 24 hours a day. I am fully terrified of it, I don’t know entirely how two fundamentally monastic weirdos came to be the emcees of shit, and generally that would mean that I cocoon myself but I’m not gonna do that this time. I put myself in the panel mix just to get over it - Gabe and I are going to make a boardgame, live, alongside the crew from Lone Shark Games with zero preparation. There has to be a stress level beyond which the pressure no longer increases… right? I am determined to find it.

< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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Comic - The Omniway
Posted by News Fetcher on August 20 '15 at 11:15 PM
From Penny Arcade:

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News - Mouth Crimes Department
Posted by News Fetcher on August 19 '15 at 10:30 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
This has been my doom from the very beginning, all my life. Most of the words I know I got from books, which I thought were my friends, but they don’t necessarily have pronunciation keys and also the English language is a kaleidoscopic whorehouse.

It won’t surprise you to learn that my stunted, hairless translucence was borne of a largely solitary childhood that involved me learning words alone, and then saying them to myself, without the civilizing benefit of the social mirror. What follows is a brief list of these infractions.

rappel - RAPple

vagina - VaGEEna

melee - Mealy

Gabriel - Grob Grob

Indeed, I was talking to him about Mealy specifically, and I was like, “Yeah, but that’s one that everybody gets wrong.” And he was like, “No, they don’t” and then he was like, “Why would you say that? To make yourself feel better?” and I was like “Yes, you got me. I’m a human being. I knew you would find me out eventually.”

Anyway, I pronounce Blastoise in a super cool, cultured way that summons boys directly to the yard. And women are drawn to it, like moths to a… to, like, a… carefully manicured, but ultimately false mispronunciation…?
Anyway. Imagine my pleasure when, in an effort to make the my last hour of consciousness useful, I logged on to World of Tanks on Xbox One and saw Kiko on there, also playing World of Tanks</a>. I’d been trying to set it up without success for days, and then when I stopped trying to be a successful, competent person, I got what I wanted automatically. When I get home, I’m going to put some flour and eggs out on the counter somewhere, just pile them up, and have cake for <i>breakfast because that’s apparently how it fucking works.
< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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Comic - Mouth Crimes Department
Posted by News Fetcher on August 18 '15 at 11:15 PM
From Penny Arcade:

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News - PAX Prime Schedule + Rocket League!
Posted by News Fetcher on August 18 '15 at 01:45 PM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
The full schedule for all your strategic planning needs can be found here. Of course, you can also grab the official Guidebook app for Android or iOS. You can even access a Web version. I don’t have a position on which one is the right one. I respect your decision.

I am also here to announce something new for the show: The PAX Arena! This “PAX Arena” can take different shapes at different shows, but here’s what it means this time: it’s at the famous Paramount Theatre, it’s 2v2 Rocket League, Daily Tournaments, tons of spectator seating, and the prize bangs like a brick in a dryer.
PAX Arena

- Daily 64 team 2v2 Rocket League tourney. Single Elimination. PS4.

- Held at the Paramount Theatre

- Friday, Saturday, Sunday

- Semis and Finals Livestreamed on on the PAX Channel 1, every day, starting at 5:30p

- Each day the winning team will walk away with two custom Rocket League / PAX PS4s (no repeat winners though)

- If you don’t have a partner, we’re sure we can pair you up on site.


- 10 AM - Noon, Registration

- Noon - 4:45p, Opening Rounds

- 5:30p - 8:30p, Semis and Finals

And here’s a shot of the PS4’s that you can win at this thing, customized expertly by Colorware off Gavin’s rad polygonal theme for this year’s shows.

I said God damn!


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News - Enforcers in Australia!
Posted by News Fetcher on August 17 '15 at 03:30 PM
By Gabe from Penny Arcade:
If you have a dream in your heart, and that dream is to enforce at PAX Australia. Then I hope you fill out and turn in your application today by midnight Melbourne time. If you are not sure what Melbourne time is I have a simple trick to figure it out. Look at the current time and then just add three kangaroos!

so simple.

-Gabe out

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News - Peephole
Posted by News Fetcher on August 17 '15 at 11:15 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
I’m not worried about Star Wars Overload in the slightest. I guess this is a problem for some people. I want to replace one or more of my limbs with sentient, crystallized Star Wars. Any Fucking Hennig is making a Star Wars game? I’ll take two. And you might think that such a position represents enthusiasm, and perhaps it does, but enthusiasm is a spectrum and there is apparently room on this diagram to the right of me.

There are Two PAXes between now and when the movie launches, and a PAX is sort of like a
lock, or what a lock would be, but for time; I can’t see past them at all. But if I survive both of these, I think I would like to celebrate it by watching this movie.
I wrapped The Witcher 3 last night at just over sixty hours, which - as an index of that game’s buxom fullness - is basically no time at all. There will be people who claim I have eaten half of it, and thrown the rest of it away. I can see that. I didn’t beat it because I wanted to, I beat it so I could reclaim the processes I had dedicated to it. I was obsessed with it before it came out. I have to put it down. Well, until the DLC.
Something weird happens in The Witcher 3 when you progress the main quest to the endgame. I have played lots of “open world” games that didn’t feel like real places, or felt like parodies of places, which I would say is conceptually distinct. This place feels like itself. And even side content, which generally feels algorithmic in games like this, is something a real person gave a shit about and you can tell. For forty or fifty hours I felt like I was watching another world through a palantír.
< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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Comic - Peephole
Posted by News Fetcher on August 16 '15 at 11:15 PM
From Penny Arcade:

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Posted by News Fetcher on August 14 '15 at 10:30 AM
By Gabe from Penny Arcade:
I have never been this excited to announce a new round of pins! So I’m just going to get right to it!

<click for the big version>


Pit People Pins [The Behemoth]

Available at The Behemoth Booth #3004

Portal 2 Pins [We Love Fine]

Available at the Valve Store in the We Love Fine Booth #7411

Banner Saga Pins [Versus Evil]

Available at the Versus Evil Booth #6608

Rage of Demons Pin [WotC]

Available to all attendees of the Acquisitions Incorporated Panel or at the Wizards of the Coast Booth #1642

Gideon Pin [WotC]

Available on the Magic the Gathering Prize Wall as well as the Battle for Zendiker event on Saturday in the Annex. It will also be available at the PAX twitch panel and various social media opportunities.

Double Fine Logo and Raz Pins [Double Fine]

Available at the Double Fine Booth #117

Vault Boy and Doom Revenant Pins [Bethesda]

Available at the Bethesda Booth #2030

Co-Optional Podcast and Seattle Polaris Grand Prix Pins [Maker]

Available at the Maker Booth #3835

Minecraft Diamond Block Pin [Thinkgeek]

Available at the Thinkgeek Booth #SKY9

Kappa Pin [Twitch]

-Be one of the first 200 guests in line for Twitch Town Hall panel Friday, August 25,

4-5PM at the Streaming Theater.

-The first 50 people to play H1Z1 in the HP Omen gaming arena will walk away with one Kappa pin everyday at Twitch booth #3317.

-Follow us on Twitter to find out which Twitch staff member is playing treasure goblin and hoarding a bag of pins to give away. They’ll be on the show floor daily at 12PM and 4PM. Don’t forget the secret phrase!

Gigantic Tyto Pin [Motiga]

Available at the Motiga Booth #3827
< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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News - Freaks And Beaks
Posted by News Fetcher on August 14 '15 at 09:16 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
How HBO has remained a thing of value from cable to VHS through the digital age is a topic worth investigating. By, like, a smart person. I’m not gonna do that.

I sure as shit never had HBO. In the same way that paying for Cable is starting to seem kinda of weird, there was a period before where paying for Cable was weird. A friend who had HBO and could record shows was worth their weight in gold, and it was worth putting up with a lot, even if they only liked hockey and hockey was the only acceptable topic of conversation. There are also hockey cards! Didn’t know about those. Having HBO and not having VHS (or, you know, some other mutant) was like having access to a continuously operating content factory with a gigantic hole at the end of the conveyor belt. HBO is now known primarily for globulous teats, though it must be said that these teats may be from any time period, so there’s sort of an educational thing happening there. But Jim Henson dropped some legendary children’s shit on there back in the day, I remember it well, because parents would leave you in front of one of these shows and then come back to collect you, and in the intervening period the content had become something very, very different.
In any case, teaching kids which one is “four” and what a square is has sorta been mined out. I think it’s time to teach our youth about malevolent oligarchs and their troubling meditations on impermanence or whatever.
< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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Comic - Freaks And Beaks
Posted by News Fetcher on August 13 '15 at 11:15 PM
From Penny Arcade:

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News - Very Similitude
Posted by News Fetcher on August 12 '15 at 10:45 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
Writing about depression isn’t like dancing about architecture, as the saying goes; it’s more like dancing about dancing inside a hologram derived from Frank Lloyd Wright’s Fallingwater. Two people being depressed have as much in common as any other two people. We’ve spoken on a semi-regular basis about this creature, hunched in the corner, sussurating its observations. Gabriel and I entertain devils, but they aren’t the same devils. The devils don’t even like each other. Even our coping strategies for this shit are antisocial.

It’s one of the things that complicates the topic a lot. When I read writing about depression, it never seems true. I can already feel my teeth set against the piece of theoretical writing I have just described. There’s this bizarre competitive aspect to it, like I’m trying to find out if a person really likes Star Trek by interrogating them about the sixth season of Deep Space Nine.
Throwing your hat into that ring, as Will O’Neill has done with Actual Sunlight, is something I gotta recognize. I want to send him a mail of support. But I don’t know, man. If you suffer from depression, maybe releasing a game on the Vita isn’t the best idea…?
I finally had a chance to try out Card Hunter in co-op last night. It was late when Mike Fehlauer was able to get online, materializing there as Zarathustran - a venerable, I would say High School era moniker by its construction. It was so late enough so that memories of it were filed in a haphazard jumble, such that I am constantly remembering that it happened, and I am perpetually pleased by it. A version of Card Hunter has just hit the iPad, with a host of customizations and philosophical distinctions, so of course I’ve decided to double down on the more ancient vintage.
< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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News - Two things
Posted by News Fetcher on August 12 '15 at 09:15 AM
By Gabe from Penny Arcade:

I’d like to thank everyone who supported the Automata Kickstarter that just wrapped up. It was a huge success and ended up bringing in $473,494 which I believe will make a pretty fucking bad ass Automata show. I got a text message from my very good friend Scott Kurtz congratulating us on the KS and he said it so well:

“Who gets to do this stuff? It’s amazing. We’re all so lucky.”

That about sums it up for me. Thank you for all of this.


Are you watching the new PATV shows we’re making? If you haven’t checked them out yet I think you should. Maybe I’m a little biased but I think they are super funny. Today is Wednesday which means we’ve posted a new episode of the DLC Podcast show. I’ll just stick it in right here:

This is our normal podcast but we include video now of me drawing the strip. So you can listen to the writing process while you watch the drawing process. I think that’s pretty cool. On Mondays we post new episodes of the First Fifteen which is just Tycho and I playing the first fifteen minutes of a game. Here’s my favorite one so far:

On Friday’s we post one of our “let’s play” style shows. These are just folks in the office here playing games..usually scary or shitty ones.

-Gabe out


< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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Comic - Very Similitude
Posted by News Fetcher on August 11 '15 at 11:15 PM
From Penny Arcade:

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News - Submit PAX Australia Panels NOW
Posted by News Fetcher on August 11 '15 at 09:45 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
Or, by Saturday, because that’s when the deadline is. Submit them here. Or here! Those links are actually the same link.


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News - Pinny Arcade News Onslaught
Posted by News Fetcher on August 10 '15 at 03:30 PM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
So, so much going on. Okay. Let’s start.

The Pinny Arcade Pin Trading Bag, with tasteful Orange or Blue accent, has arrived. You could put non-pins in this bag, but why:

As we have established, it is a very versatile bag. But! I have at least one idea about what to put in there. Behold: the new Core Set 2.0 which replaces the old Core Set. Which was apparently 1.0, but we didn’t know that yet. It looks like this. Also, feast your eyes on the new lanyard:

We also have Pin Backs up! Multicolored standard backs or the metal locking ones you have seen the pros use on Discovery Channel’s “Pin Masters” or The Learning Channel’s “Badge Wars.” Check them out here:

Last up, Double Secret boxes are BACK! Each one contains a pair of pins from the entire breadth of the collection, which is very broad indeed.

< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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