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Space Holes
Posted by News Fetcher on January 20 '16 at 02:03 PM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
I feel like we’ve established an immutable truth here. The only distinction between instances of this are how long it takes for you to realize that what came out is bad. For example, some kind of resplendent elven-type motherfucker comes out, and you’re like “God Damn!” but he keeps coming out, and his whole cape is made out of screaming faces. Right? Seems good up front, then, face cape. It’s things like that. The specific visual reference here is to the Court of Oryx, but that’s not where we were when we came up with…

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Space Holes
Posted by News Fetcher on January 20 '16 at 02:03 PM
From Penny Arcade:


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News - Unhelpful-ism
Posted by News Fetcher on January 13 '16 at 10:32 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
I’m sort of slowly easing my way through That Dragon, Cancer, both because that’s the only way to do it for me probably, and also because I spent a bunch of yesterday at an actual hospital myself, doing some deliveries for Child’s Play. The combination of these two things made for a pretty brutal day. We had a cart of different bags for the floor we were on, with a list of patients and their room numbers, and as I looked over the first of the two sheets it became clear that none of the kids on that list were older than a year. Two months. Four months. One month. I knew that it was an ICU floor, but not that it was an ICU floor for babies. I have seen small hospital beds, like the one my son was in. But I had never seen an ICU hospital bed for a Goddamn baby, and yesterday I saw many of them. They are too small; they are too small. I saw a crib that was like a regular crib except full of wires and lights. There was a curtain behind these beds parents could use to make a little bedroom for themselves behind it, and these bedrooms were often in use. If you’ve ever had to sleep in a hospital, you know that it’s nearly impossible to do. People are coming in constantly to do really important things. They need to do those things. But you’re lucky if you can get any period of sustained sleep in those places, which is to say the kind of sleep you need to think correctly. It all sort of compounds itself. The enormity of the challenge seems to grow. If there’s sleep going on in there, we leave it outside with a note. Everybody in there needs it. When we come in as Child’s Play, we recognize that the families and the staff are a kind of mesh that holds everything together, so we cater a lunch for the staff and we’ve got toys and games for everybody else. We dropped off a copy of Ticket To Ride for a mom who was very excited to receive it; what an amazing tool to have in that place, a place where empty time is constantly pressing down on you. And it’s very confusing if you can’t see your little brother right now because he is too sick, you’ve got balloons for him and you can’t go in. I’ve got Skylanders stuff for that kid. It occurred to me that we founded this in 2003 and I didn’t understand until just now what we were actually doing. I have been staring at this cursor for a long time. Help me, someone else write this. I want there to be a God, there should be one, because these people deserve an answer. There was some leftover food I got to after everyone else had eaten it There is something about that environment that makes you feel starved and desperate, and I did my best to guide the shaking fork into the customary hole. I had only been there for a couple hours. It was the least I could do, and I still couldn’t handle it. (CW)TB out.

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News - Praise Him
Posted by News Fetcher on January 11 '16 at 11:00 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
I told him this for real, as a joke, and he seemed to think it was really funny. Also, I felt like there should be a band named Star-Elk. And I know exactly who else is in this band. I can see the logo, too. It’s got to be one of those inexplicably rendered things that only members of the band can read. Or, maybe something more like the indomitable paraph of Queen Elizabeth I. It could go a couple ways. I’m open to interpretations of this imaginary band founded by imaginary teenagers. I backed a game called “That Dragon, Cancer” a while ago, I don’t even remember how long ago. A long time. I wrote about it even longer ago than that. Some of what I wrote about my dad ended up in there. I don’t know where a hundred percent, just that this thing is a kind of reliquary, not only for the family the game is about but for a lot of other people also. If we can say, as we do, that Ninja Gaiden is a very difficult game, we must be able to say the same thing about That Dragon, Cancer, except it isn’t hard for your fingers to do - it’s hard for your actual self to do. It comes out tomorrow, and I was looking over some art from the game on Steam, and it made me nauseous. I dread playing it. I keep coming back to this paragraph, with the intention of changing the last two sentences if needs be, but it’s still true. Actually, thinking about it, I’m pretty sure “game” is entirely the wrong word for this. Sometimes the conversation about what is and what isn’t a game has an element of rancor, where people are either trying to apply or deny the term based on the word’s inherent sanction or imprimatur. This isn’t like that, though; I wouldn’t apply the term because I think they’ve made something else, and we just don’t have granular linguistic tools to describe it. We’ll have a word better than “simulation” someday to describe what it is to bottle an experience as this family has, and then to bravely let other people inhabit it. They’ve modeled an incredibly complex human experience, and along with the physicality of it, they have modeled the emotional reality of it also, so it is a single piece. And I think that you can react to it, and you will; but at root, it’s theirs. Tread light. (CW)TB out.

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News - Beyond Immersion
Posted by News Fetcher on January 08 '16 at 11:00 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
I think autocorrect is actually getting worse. Going first at things sucks. It sucks twice for Oculus, because their ability to communicate is especially bad. They need to hire one or two people of average IQ to act as acolytes and to be the agents of their revelation. They had to announce a price which was different than the price everyone expected and was, indeed, higher than one could materially have been lead to believe. it might just cost a lot pry open the sealed future, you know? Maybe everybody’s shit is gonna be this expensive. Or, maybe it was going to be, until very recently. Going first at things sucks. The cost of the unit itself is only one stratum. The videocard they want you to have to run it is something like three hundred dollars, used; I’m given to understand that other computer parts are required also. I don’t know which ones: maybe all of them. I have those, so I don’t give a shit. I could preorder now if I wanted to, and it would show up around summer? Maybe I’ll try my chances in the retail melee. I have no doubt that it will be shocking. Plus, my daughter wants it, and I have not thus far developed any defense against her. I’ve talked with people at another large company with a vested interest their game platform, it starts with M, and I can tell you they’re not super happy about how it’s looking like Sony’s Morpheus is the default, mainstream option for VR experiences. There’s things we don’t know about it, obviously. I didn’t know about the supplementary processing unit until fairly recently. But it seems like a pretty clear bet that you’ll be able to get in, end to end, for less than a grand. Gabe had revelatory experiences with the Vive, as does “virtually” anyone who dons that sorcerous helm, but he doesn’t maintain a sanctified gaming PC and that dense slug of expenditure is gonna be a heavy lift. Morpheus, on the other hand, is day one for him. And it has REZ. So. You know. (CW)TB out.

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News - Geocide
Posted by News Fetcher on January 06 '16 at 12:15 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
I keep grabbing JRPGs and not liking them, and it’s got me worried, because I’ve always thought of myself as someone who liked those. Even when one worms its way through my ventral guard plates I almost never actually finish them. The more inviting they’ve gotten to a mainstream audience, the less I’ve enjoyed them I guess. I’m not trying to adopt a pose, here. I liked them more when they were “boring.” I really did like watching a bunch of people stand stock-still while I fucked around in some menus. Because of where my Wii U is in the house, more adult stuff or things that are meant to be played for long stretches don’t really get played on it. My suspicion is that Bayonetta 2 would not constitute a Living Room Game and I am very confident I would be proven right. I didn’t grab Xenoblade Chronicles X because of this restriction and also because I was afraid this one wouldn’t connect with me either and I’d have to go through the rigmarole of creating a new identity. But Gabriel has it! Of all people! And he loves it(!!!). Apparently he’s in there going buck-ass wild. And then he tantalized me with this glimpse of Victorian ankle:
So we’re going to take some time tomorrow and try to crack it wide open. Also, I won my first two games of Duelyst, and I’m afraid of my third one but I’m gonna suck it up. I wasn’t a backer; Gabe backed it, and forgot. I found the image of the Red Tree mythic and compelling, and the juxtaposition of the hand-drawn stuff and the pixels was interesting, but I didn’t know much else. I don’t even know why the fuck I started playing it a few days ago; I applied for the Beta in March of last year, and then mostly forgot? Now I can’t get my dick out of it - it’s stuck inside. I only wrote that because I thought it would look funny on the box. Don’t worry; my dick’s fine. Kiko wanted to know what the hook was here, the differentiator that would allow him to cross his arms in preemptive judgment, and this is what I like about him. We lean in like Odin with our one good eye, frowning with the strain of our appraisal. There are lots of games that do this, and by “this” I mean that you build unit decks and play them on boards. That’s not weird at all. But they don’t look this good. Their factions aren’t this coherent. And when cards become units, they don’t have the weight and physicality of a Duelyst unit. That transition has to matter; it has to seem like this is the only game it could be. Play a few rounds with the starter decks - Gabe won his first games with a starter, and at the early tiers, you won’t suffer for it. Try the single player puzzle challenges and then wonder how you managed to escape this thing’s tentacles for as long as you did. It does something strange I wanted to mention: it lets you tip your opponent with in-game currency, which I found fascinating. I have a bunch of nonsense theories about this that will never be borne out, because I won’t be in a position to do it, but ask any one of my unnamed interlocutors and they will tell you I never shut up about it. I’ve been wondering if there’s a way to establish and promote a game with a free to play economy that has Benevolence as a root value, and I’m always trying to get people to try it with their valuable IP, but they keep saying no because they like to eat food as opposed to Good Feelings. (CW)TB out.

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News - Dare To Dream
Posted by News Fetcher on January 04 '16 at 11:45 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
Dogs are a theme that runs through a lot of my favorite strips in the archive. Apparently? I just found this out. Like, the one with the Canid is big with Tychos in every demo. There is an old New Year’s Resolution type strip which also features dogs that I like a lot, and today’s strip is the sequel. I know what you’re thinking! How do you top that. My answer: even more dogs. I feel like the math is clear. If Kiko puts out the call, we can usually get a solid crew together for Rainbow 6 - which is still going strong in our group, even if I never hear anything about it from outside our cloister. Any other time I have in front of a computer I spend in Elite: Dangerous. I don’t have the Horizons expansiony thing, and I’m not playing it in VR. I never do anything of note and my ship is still bullshit. And yet, for some reason, it’s all I want to do. It’s like going on vacation, I swear to God. I’m going on a road trip except there is no road and there’s no destination. This round of Elite - and there have been several - was inaugurated specifically to try to work with some friends and see in what ways we could be useful to each other, but I’ve never seen any of them yet and I’m fine with it. Such a big part of what I like about it, and it is literally both big and a part, is just using a fucking flightstick again. I mean, it’s just a Saitek X52. It’s not even the Pro! And me “playing” the game, at least for the time being, mostly involves me just undergoing the rituals of navigating, docking, launching, and travelling. For whatever reason, that’s just kind of what I want right now. The stick is a cyber-rosary, and it enables genuflection for Atheists. I’m also working through the Single Player Challenges in Duelyst, and if you are into collectible tactics type games, you should too. Basically, if you like Hearthstone but want the cards you play to become monsters on a chessboard, this is one hundred percent that. Or maybe it’s the hologram wargame thing they play in the Millennium Falcon, but with way fewer pixels. I’m not looking forward to my first multiplayer match in Duelyst, but sometimes that same fear inspires me to what you might call “basic competency.” Let’s see. (CW)TB out.

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News - A Whole New World
Posted by News Fetcher on January 01 '16 at 10:30 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
The time we spent with Cho’gall gave us the impression that we liked Heroes of the Storm! Except we don’t. Or, we do, as long as we’re playing Cho’gall. Playing that dude, or… that pile of dudes, is like playing another game altogether while everyone else is playing HotS. I was talking to Kiko about it, rhapsodically, which is sort of my default mode, and I said that I would love a game where every character consists of these weird hybrids - crewed ships, multiplayer beasts like in CRAWL, frenzied mobs, that kind of thing. It was like I had tripped the trigger hairs of a Venus flytrap; I could sense him closing up. After a little while, he said, “I would hate that.” We play games together often, and he endures it, but I think if we were to play in a game where I was in control of his legs, it would be a murder suicide type situation. People who are good at games tend not to like the things I like, and there is information contained in that negative space. Oh! But the thing about the maps. It’s more funny than anything, honestly. Something will start twinkling on the map, and a spooky voice will exhort me in some way, but Gabe is controlling the feet. Maybe we’re not gonna get all the way to that one. Crazy shit is happening all the time, and every map has some new version of it, but you can’t get too mad about it. And even if you did, in fifteen minutes or so another inexplicable realm will materialize and you’ll be forced to contend with that one. I feel like it is trying to teach me a lesson about impermanence or something, and I am willing to receive it. One more thing. Make that three things: Fukubukuro, the New Year’s Pinny Arcade Pin, and Dabe’s killer Video Games Sweatshirt are all available now. Plus, Push Fight - which I rhapsodized about here - is back in stock. (CW)TB out.

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News - MAILBAG!
Posted by News Fetcher on December 31 '15 at 03:45 PM
By Gabe from Penny Arcade:
It’s been a while since I checked my Penny Arcade email address so I thought I’d dive in there and see what you all have to say!

FIRST MAIL HERE WE GO!



Hmm.

That’s probably enough Mailbag for today.

-Gabe out

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News - Our Store Has Rad New Shit
Posted by News Fetcher on December 31 '15 at 02:30 PM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
I’m not kidding. Three new rad things, plus Push Fight and DSBs (the latter of which might be gone by the time I hit post) are back in limited quantities. Item 1: Fukubukuro Item 2: New Year’s Pin Item 3: Video Games Sweatshirt I feel confident that Brian would like to tell you more, and he will do so, in the special Brian Quarantine Pen I have designated below. —:— Last year, we rang in the new year with our take on Fukubukuro. We printed some custom bags and filled them to overflowing with PA merch and memorabilia. Standard Fukubukuro tend to be a value play, filled with left-overs from the year that you can pick up at a discount in a blind format. And to be sure, the core of our bags hold true to this concept. I can tell you that we have you order your bags by size because we’re going to include some shirts. And some of those shirts ARE overstock. But we take the “Lucky Bags” concept to heart and anyone who purchased a bag from us last year can tell you that our shirts tend to be fun and are drawn from a lot that includes rare and out of print shirts as well. We’ll be packing in some special items; some available only in these bags and even some super rare items. The New Year’s Pin is also a New Year’s Eve Day tradition for us. It always has glitter and this year has an adorable baby. The Video Games crewneck is an obvious shirt. We were shocked to discover that a unadorned shirt that just said “Video Games” did not already exist. So we made it. Dabe customized a font that we printed nice and thick for a retro “favorite sweatshirt” kind of feel. We also put a PA tag on the hem that has a secret message just for you and the PA logo for everyone else. Finally, a couple of notes on the DSBs and Push Fight. Both are sure to move pretty quickly. I’ve set the DSB order limit to 5 instead of 12 to help ensure more people who would like to grab a few will have a chance. But we only have 400 available (we were out of boxes!). And if you want to know more about Push Fight, I think Tycho’s excellent post is a great place to start. —:— Thank you, Brian. That’s sweet. Anyway, for real, though. Dabe’s Video Games sweatshirt thing is rad and it was too funny not to try and print a few. They’re really, really nice. If you got a gift card for Christmas, time to dig that mothertrucker out. (CW)TB

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News - My Favorite Games of 2015
Posted by News Fetcher on December 30 '15 at 04:15 PM
By Gabe from Penny Arcade:
I have no idea what Tycho is talking about but I think we agree. If you asked me why I thought Undertale was stupid I’d just tell you it looked like shit and made no fucking sense. It is the videogame equivalent of the nonsense symbols crazy people draw on their walls with shit. Maybe you super like it? That probably just means you’re cooler than me. Luckily there’s tons of other rad games to play.

I’m not a professional games journalist so I can’t say for sure that these are the “BEST GAMES OF 2015” with the same sort of moral authority that they can. These are just the games I had the most fun playing this year in no particular order:

Monster Hunter 4

This was the very first MH game I got into. I finally figured out how all the armor and weapon crafting work and that was the key for me. I really loved hunting monsters for all the teeth and bones I needed to craft my next hat or whatever.

The Order 1886

Reviewers shit on this game but I loved it. It’s absolutely fucking stunning and a damn fun shooter. I liked the story I liked the characters and thought it was just the right length. Not every game has to give you 80 hours of gameplay to be worth $50.

Ori and the Blind Forest

Another beautiful game that also happens to be a fantastic platformer. It eventually gets hard as hell but remains charming and surprisingly moving throughout.

Bloodborne

This isn’t my sort of game but for some reason I pushed through the insane learning curve and got pretty good at it. It’s a punishing experience full of frustrating moments but the feeling you get when you finally beat a boss makes up for all of it.

Armello

Can you tell I like pretty games with amazing art? Armello is a smart and fun digital board game.

Mad Max

You can shoot a harpoon from your car into another car impaling the driver and then yank him out and drag him around the wasteland.

Tearaway Unfolded

< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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News - Early Onset Coot Disease
Posted by News Fetcher on December 30 '15 at 11:30 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
Undertale is the New Game You Have To Like Or You Don’t Get It. These sanctified vessels are selected by an organization that is either lofty or subterranean, I haven’t decided, and one of the cool things about being old is that I don’t care. These hyper-earnest teens I got on my block are way into this stuff. I’m glad that someone is teaching them new words. But I can sense a kind of invisible maze go up when they start this conversation - they want to know if I can be trusted. If I’m like the others. They want to know if they can tell me the secret, and they will, provided I already know it. So I lied. I lied and lied and lied. There is a popular mode now I have taken to calling Double Reverse Irony, where things are real but not real but no they’re actually real, that is just one step beyond where I’m interested. My policy when the next generation “does them” is informed by 2pac’s I Ain’t Mad At Cha, and I only get mad when people transform works into litmus tests. In the case of Undertale, I can’t abstract it enough to even look at it: I can’t hold it far enough away. The thing it is dismantling is too close to me. Parody can be revelatory of weakness in the subject, but it can also reveal strength; it can reveal what’s left after the softest parts are washed away. Even when done in love, it has a caustic quality. An extended look at metals extraction probably isn’t appropriate for this paragraph, but I’m thinking about gold cyanidation and toxicity. The game is gleeful in its cannibalism of the medium, there’s blood all over its face but it’s smiling. It’s intimate with the tropes it has on display, and at this precise moment in time I’m discomfited by what it does with that familiarity. It is insufficiently reverent, and does not perform the proper obeisances. Others like it for precisely these reasons. I’m delighted by the iconoclasm intellectually and repulsed by it viscerally; if nothing else, it’s providing an intense psychological workout. (CW)TB out.

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News - All Through The House, Part Four
Posted by News Fetcher on December 28 '15 at 12:00 PM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
That’s a wrap for All Through The House. Like any of our other “babies” - weird story things which are not primarily about dogs eating a man’s balls or exploding dicks - this one has the occasional suitor. One of these is going to get all the way to a screen someday, and I don’t mean because we did it ourselves. I mean somebody’s gonna make one of these a “real boy,” and it could launch on the same day as a new Star Wars and I would still be pleased. Star Wars is pretty good, I’ve seen it a couple times so far; it’s got problems but you can’t talk about them without someone calling you names. And not like the regular names people call each other, names which impute nefarious action on the part of your opponent, like whether or not they fuck moms or their nuanced position on cocks. The way it works now, what you might call the New Old Fashioned Way, is that there is no position of any kind that isn’t laced up with a position on some Question Of The Age. There are character arcs in Star Wars that are truncated and inexplicable, but like a total dork I have come up with reasons for why it’s fine. This is a pretty common nerd pastime, and I’m good at it. But even expressing moments of doubt about that which has been considered sanctified - doubt, you’ll recall, being a distinctly human emotion; dogs do not doubt - creates the preconditions for exile. If this is what it means to have your culture integrated into the mainstream, I don’t care for it. It’s… Church, everything has been transformed into Church, and I hate Church. Every action must be slathered with a kind of pious frosting, a greater moral dimension, even if you’re talking about laser swords. It’s vital not necessarily to do good, but to be seen as good, which isn’t really the same thing. If this weren’t my job, I would stop doing it. (CW)TB out.

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News - All Through The House, Part Three
Posted by News Fetcher on December 25 '15 at 12:15 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
AW SHIT! It’s gettin’ kinda hectic. They closed “the pass” just before our trip over and just after, and I’m starting to wonder if we’re going to be stuck over here. In case I have left any doubt as to my position on these matters, that is not what I want. I should have strategized harder about this trip. The time I spent creating apocalyptic Spokane imagery is time I should have spent decanting boardgames into a compact form for travel. The Spokanite is a hard creature, to be sure, but they are not immune to the mournful whistle of a Mexican Train; I could have doused them with Camel Up and set them ablaze, or introduced them to one of the many manifestations of Lord Chvatil</s>, The Thousand Faced one - probably <a href="https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/178900/codenames">Codenames. The next time I’m summoned to this Satanic bunghole I shall endeavor to be more pragmatic. Merry Christmas, everybody. And if you customarily have a Happy Christmas, try a Merry one just to see if you like it. I’ll go with a Happy one, and next year around this time we’ll compare notes. (CW)TB out.

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News - All Through The House, Part Two
Posted by News Fetcher on December 23 '15 at 09:45 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
One of the “delights,” which I guess I don’t 100% mind but whatever, is that before I can get a newspost typed up over here I typically have to spend a half an hour or so fixing the computer I’m working on. I wouldn’t even know how to compare the machines my parents own to my own machines or computers in general. I’m not surprised that people hate computers if this is their experience with them. Just as a point of reference, when I click the mouse on my computer, shit happens. Forces are marshalled and great engines roar. On my mom’s laptop, there is a mouse attached, but it does nothing, like a vestigial tail. Her house looks like some kind of aperture widened up between our world and the Pinterest dimension, and their denizens have emerged in force to seize territory. Snowmen and reindeer upcycled from precious bottlecaps flank wine bottles also dressed as reindeer or inexplicably wearing sweaters. I was able to barricade the door to her room with some tasteful Pier One wickered spheroids and now I am waiting for the police to arrive. When we first talked about Nightlight, it describes how some fathers are shields, but others are swords! With an Exclamation Point! And then for that and the next storyline with Grace we only talk about Swords. All Through The House is about how the other side works. (CW)TB out.

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News - PAX South Tabletop Indie Showcase
Posted by News Fetcher on December 21 '15 at 05:15 PM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
We offer free booth space to game developers at the conventions, but it takes a little different shape depending on where you go: PAX 10 was the original “indie” showcase, at East it’s similar but focuses on mobile, and the newest show in San Antonio focuses exclusively on tabletop offerings.

And what a crop this year! Good lord. Don’t forget to check some of the official sites: a couple of these games already have Print & Play options, so you don’t even have to wait.
(CW)TB

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News - All Through The House
Posted by News Fetcher on December 20 '15 at 10:00 PM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
Running a total of four strips, Nightlight: All Through The House is a four strip Nightlight story about, you know. Things that permeate houses, I guess! You’ll know when you see it.

The 3DS is back in rotation hard with Pokemon Picross, which is like a Picross game where you make pictures of Pokemon which you also then collect. It would be nefarious even if it weren’t free to play.

For some reason, many of the people I talk to at a given PAX don’t seem to know about Picross. This sucks, not just because their lives haven’t been enriched by Picross, but also because I have some metaphors I’m fond of that require a working knowledge of the game. It’s supremely inconvenient to lead with a penetrating Picross themed insight and then have it just glisten there on the epidermis, wholly unabsorbed. It’s not clear to me how one of the best puzzle forms has somehow eluded universal worship. It’s like Sudoku, but fun and cool. And when you’re done, there’s a little picture, instead of a bunch of numbers. I’m sure that Robert appreciates a big pile of numbers but if I had to choose between Charmander and some numbers I’mma go with the Lizard Pokemon.
< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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News - I Am Not Your Father
Posted by News Fetcher on December 18 '15 at 01:30 PM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
It is really weird that there is a new Star Wars movie out! And they are just going to keep coming now. “There is another” hitting around next year around this time. I barely know what to do with this information, and even the information I do have is porous. I know that in The Force Awakens there is some kind of lightsaber person and one of the robots is round. That’s basically the state of play. It doesn’t seem like a lot to hang a movie on, but who knows.

Brenna and I attempted to catalyze a lifelong fascination with Stellar Conflict last Friday, with a preparatory viewing of what young people parsed as Episode Eye Vee, and halfway through it my son was begging me to let him go upstairs and read. Obviously, I can’t be mad at him for that. But what might have seemed languorous or exotic about the pacing of the first movie just seems slow to people growing up now; even their ringtones are invigorating.
Gabriel The Younger is still resistant to the
old ways, a dynamic I tried to illuminate for his father earlier. He will no doubt endure it to please his parents, and it will have all the thrills and emotional resonance of a child interminably practicing cursive. Gabriel the Elder suggested that for kids today, their Star Wars is actually Guardians of the Galaxy, which I thought depicted an interesting phenomenon. Maybe each Generation has a “Star Wars” that isn’t necessarily “Star Wars,” though I’m sure Disney would prefer a certain level of standardization.
< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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News - I Am Not Your Father
Posted by News Fetcher on December 18 '15 at 11:15 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
It is really weird that there is a new Star Wars movie out! And they are just going to keep coming now. “There is another” hitting around next year around this time. I barely know what to do with this information, and even the information I do have is porous. I know that in The Force Awakens there is some kind of lightsaber person and one of the robots is round. That’s basically the state of play. It doesn’t seem like a lot to hang a movie on, but who knows.

Brenna and I attempted to catalyze a lifelong fascination with Stellar Conflict last Friday, with a preparatory viewing of what young people parsed as Episode Eye Vee, and halfway through it my son was begging me to let him go upstairs and read. Obviously, I can’t be mad at him for that. But what might have seemed languorous or exotic about the pacing of the first movie just seems slow to people growing up now; even their ringtones are invigorating.
Gabriel The Younger is still resistant to the
old ways, a dynamic I tried to illuminate for his father earlier. He will no doubt endure it to please his parents, and it will have all the thrills and emotional resonance of a child interminably practicing cursive. Gabriel the Elder suggested that for kids today, their Star Wars is actually Guardians of the Galaxy, which I thought depicted an interesting phenomenon. Maybe each Generation has a “Star Wars” that isn’t necessarily “Star Wars,” though I’m sure Disney would prefer a certain level of standardization.
< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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News - Post Traumatic Spokane Syndrome
Posted by News Fetcher on December 16 '15 at 12:30 PM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
According to The Compact struck between Brenna and I, we must venture over the frozen Devil’s Teeth every other year to the hated Spokane, a corruption of Sa Pako Chaon which in the Bureaucratic Mode of the Mid-Hell tongue means “That Place Which Is Arguably Worse Than Other Places.”

At the Perimeter of that cracked and accursed rectum, men with three-eyed, hope sniffing dogs on leashes of cold iron prowl up and down the line of cars, for the second jaw of these “dogs” - the Dream Jaw - is never satisfied. It doesn’t open so much as it unfurls. They can use it to eat the part of a child that still believes in Santa.
I think I tried to soften it last time for some reason, no doubt as the result of some surplus holiday cheer, or the cloudy, tan liquor they ferment in the heat of their own mouths. There are probably worse places, but I don’t know of them. I’m just allowing for the possibility.

It’s a complete paradox. There are a lot of really singular people there, just top drawer human stock, but the town which has accreted around them is evil. There’s something wrong with it that can’t be enunciated but is instinctively recognizable. I meet people who are from there also, and eventually escaped, and there’s a look you pass each other in that moment of realization; a second where you see their spirit flicker out.
Hey! So, we sold through the Push Fight stock we had on hand, and we have more coming, but Brian was worried that trying to do some kind of presale this close to Christmas would just be stressful for all parties. So! They’ll be going back up on New Year’s Eve if you want to come in at the end of an incredibly weird story.
(CW)TB out.

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