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News - PAX Aus Panel Changes
Posted by News Fetcher on October 23 '15 at 12:45 PM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
Because Gabe, who is also Mike, is now a 24/7 vomit fountain, we’re going to alter some of the panels. In the future, maybe we can have a panel that focuses on vomit and engages all sides of the vomit debate, though I suspect we may have to find a place that sells Purell and tarps wholesale.
- The Two Q&A Panels are now Khoo And A panels! Robert and I are going to handle them as a duo. As such, we’ve got a new Q&A form if you’d like to ask Robert questions directly, which is a pretty rare opportunity. He knows a lot of shit.
- For Saturday’s Make A Strip Panel, and Sunday’s Child’s Play Auction and Omegathon Final Round I will be accompanied by Kris Straub, he of the Chainsawsuit and the Broodhollow and the Starslip, if you’re old school. He’s a good friend, and I was always glad he was coming down for the show, but now I’m really really glad.
For signings, we’re gonna do a special print of the program cover, and have Mike presign a bunch of them. We’ll have three hundred signatures per signing ready to go, which should be able to satisfy most people? I can also do a very convincing Gabe signature if pressed! Let me know which you prefer. We’ll pass out his special pin - sometimes called a “boss pin” - to our folks, and they won’t count against your “official trades” as per the rules.
I’ll see you next week, though I may still be enduring prophetic visions as a result of my prolonged sky journey. Even that is a boon for you, though. Take this opportunity to ask me questions about your future, and I will pierce the veil of time for you free of charge.


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News - I’m gonna start off with the bad news
Posted by News Fetcher on October 23 '15 at 12:45 PM
By Gabe from Penny Arcade:
I will not be able to attend PAX Australia this year. It sucks. Now let me tell you why.

I’ve been pretty sick for the last month or so. I’ve lost about 30 pounds which would be rad, except I didn’t really have 30 pounds to lose and I lost it in a pretty unpleasant way. I’ve seen my doctor a few times and I’m taking some new medicine, but then yesterday happened.

I was driving to work and nearly there when I started to get really dizzy and started seeing double vision. It was scary but I managed to creep into the PA parking lot. As soon as I got out of my car the entire world started spinning and I began puking. I puked in the parking lot and then stumbled into the woods where I continued to puke. I made it inside and continued to throw up all the way to my office. I heaved into my garbage can and then collapsed onto the couch. It felt like everything around me was spinning and so I called my wife.

< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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News - Acquisitors, Part One
Posted by News Fetcher on October 23 '15 at 10:00 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
The original plan was to start running these next week, when were en route/at/leaving PAX Aus, but something came up that I’ll let him tell you about. Long story short, getting ahead on the strip turned out to be a pretty Goddamn good idea.
I’ve been saying that “this is the year of Acquisitions Incorporated” for about five years now, but this is turning out to be the actual year of it. The first part of that is the store. Operated by our friend and ally Scott Kurtz, also known as Binwin Bronzebottom, you can expect a few new things to pop up there over the year, including an awesome parody of a game screen I wrote which is game agnostic because it includes no useful information whatsoever. There’s two more things in the works that will truly inaugurate this as the Year of Acquisitions Incorporated, but I don’t want to say too much, so that the universe has a chance to crush it. Suffice it to say that if you are down with acquiring things in an incorporated way, you are about to be rewarded richly for that allegiance.
< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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News - Showtime
Posted by News Fetcher on October 21 '15 at 11:02 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
In The Taken King, you can jump into a “Strike Playlist.” For the uninitiated, it means that you strap into a kind of electronic ride where you are slotted with your team into a functionally endless string of mini-raids. This roster isn’t super deep, but there are a few different ways for them to go down so it’s mostly okay. For the players, I mean. They’re fine. They get a steady stream of forgotten, borderline mystical hats.
But what about the bosses? How do they maintain morale in such a high traffic retail scenario? Friends, it’s all about attitude.
I was going to suggest to Gabriel that Taniks the Scarred be clapping with his weird little bonus hands, but I thought, no, that’s not gonna fly probably; and then, when I got the strip, he was clapping with his fucking bonus hands! What this means to me is that if I remain perfectly motionless, I will still get everything I want. Right now, I am perfectly still except for the fingers I am wriggling to write this. Soon, I will achieve even greater stillness.

Child’s Play has, as of this second, raised $34,327,046 over its lifespan. I could refresh the official page and there is every chance that it would be more than that; I’ve refreshed it several times while writing this and it has been true at every juncture.

Child’s Play is about as focused a charity beam as it is possible to muster, particularly when using the official map: you choose something the hospital has told us they need, and it gets sent there. That’s the traditional way. We’ve branched out in recent years, in an effort to be good stewards of the resources you’ve entrusted us with, but that’s always the spine of it, for me at least: the one to one nature of that exchange.

< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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News - PAX AUS(tralia)!
Posted by News Fetcher on October 20 '15 at 01:30 PM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
This thing is coming up quick, which means I got to get some information out there. It’s like this:

- Friday and Sunday badges are both running low on our end. Saturday passes no longer exist! Well, they exist, but people have bought them all. You should buy Friday passes, or Sunday passes, or both if you want to come!

- We’re going to be testing something kinda weird in the main theater on Friday, around seven o’clock: it’s gonna be The Doubleclicks, Kris Straub, and the two of us for some Quiplash and Fibbage action. This could be interesting. In quotes. So you might want to watch.
- I am beyond excited to come back down there, for a couple reasons. PAX Aus, both for the PAX and the Aus. But I also got Brenna a purse at Witchery last year, and they didn’t take the security tag off of it so I’m going to bring it back with me and have it removed. You tell me: does that mean that I technically got her a gift this year, or do I need to secure a second gift? Please advise.

The official Twitter for the show is at, so following that might be a good idea if you’re hitting the show.

Okay! If I forgot something, Robert will let me know and I’ll come right back. But I think I got it!


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News - The Double Reverse Troll
Posted by News Fetcher on October 19 '15 at 11:16 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
If you have a handle that some people don’t like, Riot will give you a new handle. Then, you have two choices. Well, three. You can always keep the new name. You could also give them about ten bucks and change your name. Or, you can subject yourself to a psychological battery, play a bunch of games in the “stocks” of your new handle, and then take the survey a second time I guess to see if you have been rehabilitated.

I find the third of these options weird, even though - unlike some people - I’m not likely to get caught up in it.
I’m not really a naughty handle person; my handles historically speaking have been about how tortured my shit is. I would never give that prime real estate over to an urge to, like, rankle some random fucking person. If naughty names are such a big deal, I don’t understand why they’re doing this in reverse: issue a name up front, and have a second name in a queue for authorization. Maybe there’s a problem with that, too, but they’ve already got a problem and it looks like a weird-ass combination of a profit center and a social experiment.
I would probably stop playing a game that presumed to treat me in such a paternal way; I would finally figure out how the Courier works and make peace with character names like “Anti-Mage” and “Lifestealer.” But when you’re talking about the most popular game on Earth - as much a “place” for people to be as a piece of entertainment software - it’s interesting to see the operation of their mind like this. It’s interesting to see what they think they deserve.

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News - Australia Pins!
Posted by News Fetcher on October 16 '15 at 03:15 PM
By Gabe from Penny Arcade:
Hey Pin Pals, here’s a look at what we have cooked up for PAX Australia!


Death Squared Red & Blue Pins [SMG Studio]

Available at The SMG Studio Booth in PAX Rising

Nissa Pin [Wizards of the Coast]

Available at the Magic the Gathering Booth in Tabletop

Screencheat Logo Pin [Samurai Punk]

Available at the Samurai Punk Booth in PAX Rising

Praise Helix Pin [Twitch]

-Be one of the first 300 guests in line for Twitch Town Hall panel Friday, October 30th, 4-5PM at the Wombat Theater

-The first 50 people to play at the Twitch Corsair gaming arena will walk away with a Praise Helix pin everyday at booth #1116

-Follow us on Twitter to find out which Twitch staff member is playing treasure goblin and hoarding a bag of pins to give away. They’ll be on the show floor daily at 2PM

Medius the Cannibal [Tin Man Games]

Available at the Tin Man Games Booth in PAX Rising


PAX AUS 2015 Pin Set

Available at both PAX Merch Booths.

Limited Edition PAX AUS Polygon Pin

ONLY available at the PAX Merch Lite Booth


Gabbie and Tyche Pins

Trade with Gabe and Tycho.

PA Staff Set 3

Trade with Penny Arcade staff members for their Staff Series 3 pins.


Get your Pin Quest here.

-Gabe Out

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News - Question Mark
Posted by News Fetcher on October 16 '15 at 09:45 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
So, here’s an index of the difference between myself and my friend Mork. If I see some words, I read them right away. I mean, I don’t even “read” them as such. I absorb them and they are incorporated instantly. Mork, on the other hand, will buy a game because he sees the cover art and things it must be the sequel to Bravely Default when it is actually a totally other game called The Legend of Legacy.

It’s made by a kind of game development supergroup and brought to our shores by Atlus. Or ATLUS. I don’t remember which one it is. Generally speaking, I don’t particularly care how a company wants their name styled. I got a mail from a Sony rep once because I wasn’t capitalizing the S in Playstation, and it’s like… huh. Why would you think you could do that? Did you do that before, with someone, and it worked?
But I would probably do it the way Atlus wanted without someone over there being gauche because they’ve brought me so many interesting thoughts over the years; they took a chance on releasing Demon’s Souls where I live, and look how well that turned out. I could just list games for a long time, but I won’t. Etrian Odyssey! Okay, just the one.
< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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News - PAX South Panel Suggestions Needed!
Posted by News Fetcher on October 14 '15 at 01:30 PM
By Gabe from Penny Arcade:
It might come as a surprise to you but we don’t have anything to do with the panels at PAX. They are submitted by you guys and we just try and make room for all the things you want to talk about. If you have an idea for a panel you’d like to see at PAX South please let us know.

We can’t do them all but we’ll do all we can. Personally I have submitted my “Embrace the Counter Genre: Deconstructing cyber-times in a post demographic world” panel a number of times now without any luck.

-Gabe out

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News - Conditional Personhood
Posted by News Fetcher on October 14 '15 at 10:01 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
It’s quite true! We were very nearly in Minecraft: Story Mode. I was very excited and told my son, in an effort to condense for him into a physical being, but alas it was not to be. Do you want to see what we would have looked like in there? I think it’s pretty cool:

Brenna, who has a degree in “theatre” and knows all kinds of shit about it, says that this kind of thing happens a lot. There is a story about somebody who went to the premiere of a movie they were in only to find out that they were not actually in that movie anymore. Indeed, that’s more or less what happened to me with Story Mode! The original version of the strip is about being in the game and still not managing to be real, but when I played through it and did not see what we’d done - and I’m really glad I did that - it necessitated some textual healing.

I’d never done anything even remotely like voice work before, and after I had done it, I tried to imagine how I could orient my life in such a way to make it happen with substantially greater regularity. I got a sense of this back when Brenna was in college, but a script is like sheet music. I think because I write things, I had gotten a sense of writing’s primacy over all human endeavor. But if you were to put four or five scripts onstage, people would not feel as though they had seen a play. Even a very good script - taut, but bouncy, like a drumhead - is still a pile of paper. And so when you have one in front of you, on a literal music stand, the metaphor is complete. Playing around with the text, being coached in certain directions through the headset, offering suggestions and trying them out, I had no idea how collaborative the process was.
< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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News - PAX Australia Schedule!
Posted by News Fetcher on October 13 '15 at 09:00 AM
By Gabe from Penny Arcade:
Here’s a quick look at all the Penny Arcade content happening at PAX Aus this month.


11:30a - Penny Arcade Q&A, Main Theatre (Right after Storytime with Warren Spector)

2:00p - Gabe and Tycho Signing, Queue Hall

7:00p - Gabe, Tycho, and Friends, Main Theatre (Tycho and I, Kris Straub, Angela and Aubrey from the Doubleclicks playing a bunch of custom games from the Jackbox Games folks. This should be a really fun night.)


10:30a - Penny Arcade Make-a-Strip Panel, Main Theatre

2:00p - Pinny Arcade Trading Session, Queue Hall (G&T + PA Staff)


11:30a - Child’s Play Charity Live Auction! Wombat Theatre

2:30p - Penny Arcade Q&A, Main Theatre

4:00p - Gabe and Tycho Signing, Queue Hall

5:30p - Omegathon Final Round, Main Theatre

You can check out the full schedule right here.

Or the mobile app on iOS and Android.

And you can still get Friday and Sunday Badges here.

-Gabe out

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News - Space Fightin’
Posted by News Fetcher on October 12 '15 at 11:01 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
It seemed like more of a Tycho line, so we gave it to him. Or, me. Whoever. Except that while I like watching the beta of Star Wars: Battlefront, I don’t especially like playing it and haven’t really sought it out.

Obviously, it looks incredible. And they extended the beta program, and I have heard that it has activated social media, so apparently it’s working for them on some level. But for me, Battlefield games - and this feels pretty much like a Battlefield game, with a few sops for the filthy casual - are good at the big things and bad at the small things.
The scale is amazing, and with that scale comes many, many deaths after running for a very long time. Individual spawns aren’t a premium commodity in these games, and while I think that a realistic cannon fodder simulator is a bold choice and certainly on-brand for the franchise I’m not sure that’s what I’m into right now. The audio sells the firearms hard, but as usual the basic shooting interactions in these games don’t feel especially tight. What I like about these things most is playing in a squad with a diverse class makeup to hedge the bargain basement value it places on spawns, fighting in and alongside player controlled armor, and awareness of the field. Maybe the full game is very different, I don’t know. The small map they have feels like it takes place inside of a literal rut and the big one is like trying to scale a mountain of angry cats. If it weren’t attached to a legendary license or attached to shocking technology, we wouldn’t be discussing this at all.
< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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News - It only took 13 years!
Posted by News Fetcher on October 09 '15 at 10:30 AM
By Gabe from Penny Arcade:
Back in 2002 I wrote a news post about the multiplayer in the new Jedi Knight II game. I was apparently not impressed with the multiplayer and I suggested an alternative:

“Just take a second and imagine the wealth of possibilities. One of the multiplayer levels could drop you into the battle of Hoth. You would have rebels on one side imperials on the other. If you joined the rebellion you would play as a rebel trooper. Your objectives would be to defend echo base and protect the escaping transports. If you joined the empire you would play as a snow trooper in the Imperial death squadron. Your objectives would be to infiltrate Echo base and destroy the transports. There would be no Gamorreans running around using force jump. You would either be a rebel soldier or a snow trooper and you would have the appropriate weapons and abilities.”

Well that is exactly what I played last night until the wee hours of the morning and it’s just as awesome as I had hoped. I know there have been other games in this series but this one is just amazing. I honestly can’t believe the visuals and the sense of scale.

Seriously go grab the Star Wars Battlefront beta!

-Gabe out

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News - Le Livre Des Visages
Posted by News Fetcher on October 09 '15 at 09:47 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
The rumor was that Dislike was en route to Facebook, but I don’t think that was ever an authentic option and would corrode the service. It was eventually determined that Liking Things wasn’t sufficiently granular, and so there are a raft of New Likings being rolled out. Except they’re missing a few key inflections that apply to ninety-nine point four percent of posts.

I have conversations with people all the time about whether or not they’re going to quit Facebook or they’re going to quit Facebook for real now, and I can’t think of a single time anything like that has happened. Well, one time. A friend of Brenna’s determined that this device was essentially a kind of comparison engine, endlessly assessing her vis a vis other people - all of whom were engaging in a rigorously performative perma-joy - and that being exposed to these rays was not a net gain.
I feel like the assumption of Facebook is more or less a preview of our cyberpunk future, where people who refuse or can’t afford the cortical implant will become pitiful creatures of exile. We offload a lot of our processing and memory to others, and to machines, and it’s simply a fact that appearing to know when someone’s birthday is grants social power. Foregoing it would be hard. This is why being presumed an asshole is so liberating. If I remember something, people are all like holy shit.

< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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News - Club PA Comic Preview
Posted by News Fetcher on October 07 '15 at 03:00 PM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
The full strip and its accompanying postito go out later this month to members, and becoming a member is incredibly easy and is also rad for too many reasons to enumerate here, which is why there’s a whole page dedicated to it. I think this one is pretty Goddamn good:


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News - Vox Something Or Other
Posted by News Fetcher on October 07 '15 at 10:30 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
Motherboard merely joins a raft of sites which have, over the last couple years, removed the ability for users to comment on their articles. It’s funny; the first thing I did was scroll to the bottom of the page to see what people thought about it. There was no comment section there, which I probably should have guessed. Force of habit.

Comments are what they are. “Don’t read the comments” is a phrase you have heard, and perhaps used. Sometimes people say that it’s not enough to say “don’t read the comments” and then they read the comments and get super angry, which, I mean, I don’t know. You tell me if that’s a good life strategy.

I go to the comments not to find consensus but literally to find people criticizing the article. I want to see the idea of that article discussed. I am not of the opinion that most articles I see are very good; and even if they were, they’re not scripture. For me they’re like the sausage casing that contains the actual food, which is the community processing the data. Independent of any other consideration, just at a lower level of magnification, I don’t think we get smarter this way. I don’t think we achieve robustness just rolling around in a bunch of ideologically hermetic spheres.
< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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News - Tearaway
Posted by News Fetcher on October 07 '15 at 09:30 AM
By Gabe from Penny Arcade:
Tearaway is a game that came out awhile back on the Vita and I loved it. I’m playing through the PS4 version now and it’s even better in a lot of ways. It’s still a ridiculously beautiful platformer with some genuinely unique gameplay but it also has a really cool second screen application now. If you have kids in your house this is seriously something you have to try because they will love it. Let me tell you how it works.

The game is designed to look like the entire thing was made out of construction paper. It’s really an amazing effect and the game sells it 100%. Creating new stuff is a big part of the game as well. You can actually draw out designs on the touchpad and see them come to life in the game. One of the first tasks in fact is to design a new crown for the king of the squirrels. You’re given different colors of construction paper and you just get to go to town. Drawing on the touchpad works okay but if you have the Playstation App you can use an iPad instead. This gives you a great big screen with construction paper, scissors, and even the use of the camera. You can use all these tools (or even better someone else can) to constantly change the world while you play.

< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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News - Contractual Obligations
Posted by News Fetcher on October 05 '15 at 10:30 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
The HBO extras contract for Westworld is fascinating reading, and gives one an idea about what it must be like to have sex with a lawyer. The excerpts you’ve seen online only represent a portion of the depravity: there are deeper, more erogenous zones.

I don’t go in for Toy Games at all, not really. But I do go in for Lego shit, and I have occasionally tried to describe the quandary that the adult Lego Maniac is bound up in. When you are a young person, and you look at a box of Lego shit, you are more concerned with the number of pieces than the number of dollars required to own it. You can turn the box over and over in your hands, and feel the weight of it, which is the weight of a soul minus the body it is contained in.

I could buy them now, and thus far that satisfaction when I see a Death Star or whatever has been enough for me. I can make anything I want, which is the power of these devices; I cannot meaningfully desire any more bricks. I still have all my old stuff downstairs, some still in the ancient Star Wars pillowcase I used to keep them in.
< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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News - First Fifteen: Duck Dynasty
Posted by News Fetcher on October 05 '15 at 08:30 AM
By Gabe from Penny Arcade:
Today’s First Fifteen was a train wreck of a game, but I think it made for a funny show:

-Gabe out

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News - Badfeel
Posted by News Fetcher on October 02 '15 at 10:00 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
Because art is the main way you manipulate Gabriel into doing what you want game-wise, he’s always been a big fan of Tearaway. Also, he owns a Vita, and those with Vitae are forever on the prowl for an excuse to use them. Except that a Vita is no longer required to play it now, because there is a remake of it for the PS4 called Tearaway Unfolded that has its phasers set to “charm.” Gabriel was telling me about how it works with such glee that I suggested we should skim and then refine that glee for your use.

I feel like we’re at the top of the roller coaster, gaming wise, and we’re about to crest it and start collecting speed very quickly. The 6th is sort of where it starts next; for me that means Disgaea and Rock Band, both legendary time consumption engines, along with a Transformers game from Platinum that I’m excited about for what is essentially no reason. I can’t prove a single one of the assertions my heart has made about this game, but I will clutch that little hope in my hands and keep it warm. Anyway, all stuff I want, on one day. That’s why I’m glad that The Beginner’s Guide came out a little before.
< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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