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Holiday Merch
Posted by News Fetcher on November 23 '12 at 12:15 PM
By Gabe from Penny Arcade:
If you are hungry for holiday deals but you don’t want to die at a Walmart, might I suggest the Penny Arcade store? We have kicked things up a notch this year and I’m sure you’ll find something for yourself or that special nerd in your life.

Before we go into the new stuff let me tell you about our reward levels. We have two reward levels. depending on the level you will get a different reward.

Rewards and Levels:

If you spend $30 or more, you get a free Penny Arcade Greeting Card, based on the middle panel to this comic.

If you spend $60 or more, you get a free 11x18 cardstock print of our Keep Calm Respawn Image (Random Color will be chosen, Red or Green)


< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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There Can Be Only Ten
Posted by News Fetcher on November 23 '12 at 10:45 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
Comics about shopping seemed appropriate.
I have never once braved a Black Friday, and I don’t know how; it has expanded to such terrifying proportions, metastasized. That’s not really the name you give to something good. As soon as I could buy things from my computer, though, that’s what I did. It’s hard to remember now, but there was a slice of time online, back when people used terms like “online” with regularity because people had no perpetually connected pocket-scale computers, where people were hesitant to purchase things online. I know! I know. Now people order frozen steaks from an iPod Touch while they shit. I don’t know if that’s gross or an act of supreme conceptually-linked efficiency.
Erika called the Target downtown because she had heard what we did; that they had huge piles of Deluxe Wii U systems. Like, a ridiculous number. She asked if he thought they’d have any by the time she got there, but they had forty-seven, putting them squarely in crenellation territory. I don’t understand entirely how our maximum throughput consumption culture allows concentrations like this to occur, but its occurring here to point where the Wii U is so concentrated they have begun to fall out of solution.

I considered availing myself of the device, but “Screen Time” is so rigorously controlled at my house that trying new things with that precious resource is often contraindicated. They put their time into proven “veins” of amusement. If playing the Wii U meant that they would have less time in Minecraft: Pocket Edition, fuck it. If the Wii U could import their crazy dungeon-spire-bunker-restaurant with the downstairs pool, then, you know… maybe.
Maybe.

(CW)TB out.
<a>proletariat, bourgeoisie</a>

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There Can Be Only Ten
Posted by News Fetcher on November 22 '12 at 11:15 PM
From Penny Arcade:


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Child’s Play Dinner Tickets Runnin’ Low
Posted by News Fetcher on November 21 '12 at 03:00 PM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
We’ve got about fifty tickets left for the December 6 event, which has been consistently enjoyable. If you are considering attending, it’s something you might wanna lock down soon.

(CW)TB

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First
Posted by News Fetcher on November 21 '12 at 11:00 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
Gabriel’s elaborate oral history of the Wii U line caused us to reflect on whether lines are inventions or inherent in the human animal. Well, not really. But the things he was telling me were correlated with the strange cultures that form in all queues of people, no doubt everywhere in the world. They adopt their own ways. They vary in strength, but when you put people who don’t know each other together and pack them tight you’re fucking around with ancient magic.

By the time their line had filed into the store, they were in the domain of people who deeply resented being there in the middle of the night to sell toys to jerks who could not wait until morning. It’s a position I understand in absolute terms. I might say “cultural artifact” instead of toy, and I might talk about structured play in a historical context, but I’d just be keeping them at work longer. That’s not something anybody wants to do. I mean, they don’t get a Wii U. There is no unboxing ritual when they get home. Their body is the box and what is inside the box is fear and rage.
But yes, once they got in, they were told that the line positions they had so enthusiastically internalized meant nothing, and would not be taken into account. They worked it out ultimately, but I find that kind of thing interesting. We feel those hierarchies - even hierarchies we just made up! - way, way down.
< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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First
Posted by News Fetcher on November 20 '12 at 11:15 PM
From Penny Arcade:


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Child’s Play
Posted by News Fetcher on November 19 '12 at 02:15 PM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
It’s open and going well bonkers. People have found it, and are putting Erika’s exquisite Hospital Map to work. Jamie’s maintaining the Official Events Calendar as well, if you’re looking for other ways to get involved. Desert Bus For Hope, now a storied tradition, is currently underway. In fourteen hours they (and you, because that’s how it works) raised thirty-two thousand dollars, which is also known as 128 consoles or 533 games. Since then, that number has biggened considerably.

(CW)TB

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Wii U
Posted by News Fetcher on November 19 '12 at 11:15 AM
By Gabe from Penny Arcade:
I was able to get a Wii U this weekend after spending five hours in line at a local Fred Meyer. I had not camped out for a console since the PS2 and I have to admit even though it was cold and rainy, I had a great time. I spent most of the day yesterday playing the shit out of it with my family and we had a blast. Ben has posted a lot of great Wii U coverage over on the PAR but I wanted to give you a quick rundown of my impressions after the first day.

It was easy to set up but the day one patches are a pain in the ass. There is a big one for the console that took over an hour and every game I put in has a patch process that takes anywhere between 10 and 30 minutes. Overall it feels sluggish and It’s slow to load games and apps. The menus don’t always make a lot of sense and even after a full day I don’t understand their online offerings like Miiverse or how exactly “friends” work.

The most important thing to me though are the games, and the games are awesome.

Nintendo Land

This was a massive hit at my house. My wife Kara and our son Gabe (who is 8) played this all afternoon. Luigi’s Mansion is the stand out hit but all the games are fun. Towards dinner time Kara actually said we needed to figure out a way to get food that didn’t involve us stopping Nintendo Land.

< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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Phi Sigma Sigma
Posted by News Fetcher on November 19 '12 at 10:15 AM
By Gabe from Penny Arcade:
Today’s comic is “ripped from my inbox”. I received a note last week from the Phi Sigma Sigma sorority informing me that this thread on the PA forums contained some of their secret shit. Here is a snippet:

I am legal counsel to the board of directors of Phi Sigma Sigma, Inc. Phi Sigma Sigma was

founded on November 26, 1913, and today maintains over 100 active collegiate chapters

throughout the United States and Canada. This letter constitutes notification of claims of

intellectual property infringement and violation of Digital Millennium Copyright Act, 17 U.S.C.

Section 512 (the “DMCA”).

Phi Sigma Sigma is the owner of certain trade secrets including, but not limited to, certain rituals

conducted by members of Phi Sigma Sigma (collectively, the “Trade Secrets”). These Trade

Secrets constitute confidential and proprietary information of Phi Sigma Sigma.


So yeah somebody posted their secret handshake, their fancy knock and the color of robes they wear when they smack each other on the ass and drink Jagermeister.

My guess is since they told me it had to be removed:

We ask that you expeditiously respond to this notice by immediately removing or disabling

access to this infringing material including, but not limited to, removing the entire posting and all

replies. Please promptly confirm any action that you take within ten (10) business days of receipt

of this letter.


It’s probably all true. Someone on Twitter commented that getting secrets off the internet is like getting piss out of a pool. It seems to me like they could have just changed their handshake and gotten a new knock.

Tycho asked me why I didn’t just remove it for them. I said I didn’t like being told to do something by a lawyer. He asked if I’d have done it had they simply asked nicely.

no probably not.

-Gabe out

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High Obscuro
Posted by News Fetcher on November 19 '12 at 09:00 AM
From Penny Arcade:


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The Manifold
Posted by News Fetcher on November 16 '12 at 11:00 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
Erika actually gives a shit about her health, which is just… incredibly novel. She actively tries to do physically difficult things on purpose, and not just, like, trying to ride your bike home even though you shouldn’t because you are as drunk as you have ever been.
She has said that she would cut off her own arm the moment a Nike cyberlimb became available, so when a copy of Nike+ Kinect Training showed up at the office, instead of throwing it into the hallway like I usually do with tribute that displeases me I put it on her desk. She came back with a review of the product that bordered on the fanatical seed of a new religion, and it wasn’t but a couple days until I saw a Fuelband on Gabriel’s wrist and heard about Kara’s second-hand.
As a Christmas Present a couple years ago, Robert got me “personal training,” which I felt weird about initially, and continued to feel weird about as I lifted heavy things and was verbally abused for my sloth, but then it started to be kind of interesting. Also, it allowed me to gnaw on a smoked haunch with somewhat less shame than usual. Everyone has a different fitness goal, I guess; mine is to get no worse.
At the end of the writing on Precipice 3, I couldn’t make time for it anymore. It sort of fell out of my life, and to my detriment; it turns out that if I don’t rhythmically shamble my husk on occasion I’m an even bigger asshole than usual. Gigantic, even. An asshole that can be seen from space. People have different bodies, and mine apparently resents simply being a container for my brain.
< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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The Manifold
Posted by News Fetcher on November 15 '12 at 11:15 PM
From Penny Arcade:


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Fairway Solitaire
Posted by News Fetcher on November 14 '12 at 03:45 PM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
Jeff asked me if I wanted to advertise Fairway Solitaire, which was a ridiculous question, because the game is awesome and I’ve gone through two separate obsession phases with it - once on PC, a million years ago, and now again on iPad. It is the easiest recommendation ever, and now they’re giving away free codes for it, because apparently they are crazy. Or, maybe they think you’ll be tempted by their in-app purchases at some point. That may be more likely. Anyway, it doesn’t really matter. This game is rad.

(CW)TB

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Black Friday
Posted by News Fetcher on November 14 '12 at 10:45 AM
By Gabe from Penny Arcade:
I’ve worked my share of Black Fridays both at Toys R Us and then at Circuit City. It is a horrible fucking tradition that brings out the worst in people. At Circuit City I started out working in the small electronics department. Back then we sold portable CD players, boomboxes and cameras that took something we called film. On Black Friday people would start lining up at 4 in the morning in the freezing cold. When the manager would open the door they would push and run into the store so that they could be the first one to buy a piece of shit Jensen CD player that we were selling for five bucks less than normal.

It was even worse when they moved me to the computer department. I remember one year we had a “Free” computer deal. Now if I tell my eight year old he can walk into a store and get a free computer he will ask me what the catch is. But these grown fucking adults would come into the store and expect to walk out with a computer without spending a cent. Did you not see the little star after the word free? That means it’s not free. It means that you need to mail in a dozen rebate coupons AND sign up for 4 years of AOL. When confronted with that information you might think that they would reflect on their own shocking lack of common fucking sense. Sadly that never happened. Instead they would tear me a new asshole because obviously I’m the one who not only printed the advertisement, but I also invented the asterisk and use it to trick people into thinking you can get things for free.

Once they have finished telling me how they are going to call the cops and I’m going to go to jail for “false advertisement” they do one of two things. They either walk out (rare) or suck it up and decide to to buy the computer. Personally I would rather they just leave but most of the time they sigh, look at the machine and all of them ask me the same first question. “So is this a pretty good computer?”

< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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Dark Meat
Posted by News Fetcher on November 14 '12 at 10:45 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
I never worked retail; I suspect it might be outside my temperament, to the extent that it would have have almost certainly culminated in a multiple murder slash suicide on Christmas Eve. I worked in restaurants, where they could I did a brief turn as a busboy that did not go well, culminating in a night where I offered guests a soup I had made from a bag of mixed vegetables, white pepper, and non-dairy creamer.

Those were the only ingredients.

I was also a telemarketeer for a brief period, I’m not proud of it, and I wasn’t especially good at it. It culminated in a kind of theatrical emotional fiasco the mental echo of which still vibrates my optic nerve.
Things didn’t start making sense until I started working in tech. It’s literally what I would have been doing anyway, in fact it was more like what I wanted to do, because there were an unlimited number of problems and people were always bringing them to me. I generally did okay, even though I’m an acquired taste, because I don’t care if you acquire the taste and I’m not going to change. But at every turn I made myself just useful enough to be endured.
Before we were able to scratch together a Spokane rent out of Penny Arcade, Gabriel worked a succession of retail jobs after his position at a driving range, where he headed up their “get hit repeatedly by golf balls” department. Working somewhere dry no doubt seemed like an advantage.
< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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Dark Meat
Posted by News Fetcher on November 13 '12 at 11:15 PM
From Penny Arcade:


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Thornwatch
Posted by News Fetcher on November 12 '12 at 11:00 AM
By Gabe from Penny Arcade:
I’m still working hard on Thornwatch. We have been testing it here in the office every Monday night and it’s really getting good. Just this last week we implemented a character creation process that is working really well. As I’ve said before, each character is made up of a deck of cards. Similar to Pokemon you have a deck of skill cards as well as attacks and powers that rely on those skills. I needed a way to make players feel attached to this deck though and have some idea of how to behave in RP situations. So here’s a breakdown of how our character creation system is working right now.

Players begin by drawing a single card at random from the “Scar” deck. Characters in the Thornwatch are already veterans of many battles and this scar represents some past encounter. These Scar cards get shuffled into your deck and live there forever. A scar might be a bad knee or the memory of a lost ally. When a player draws into their scar it must be resolved immediately.

Next a player looks at the new “traits” list and rolls 1 d10 to gain a trait at random from the first list of ten possible traits. These are things like relentless, polite and charming. Finally the player chooses a trait from the second list to round out his character.

The player now has a scar and two character traits. Before the game starts each player tells the party what his traits are and describes to them how he got his scar. The scar card is then shuffled into the players deck. Describing how you got your particular scar has been a lot of fun but it’s also a quick way to give your character an exciting backstory.

< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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Sundance On Your Grave
Posted by News Fetcher on November 11 '12 at 11:15 PM
From Penny Arcade:


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Red Hot
Posted by News Fetcher on November 09 '12 at 11:00 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
I thought it was best to ask Brenna for permission on this one, lest she come across it one one of the megatrawls she performs on the archive every few months. I said, “Michael and I want to make a comic about your vagina,” a sentence which I believe is unprecedented. After a brief outline, the strip was authorized.

It is my opinion, which I think is still allowed but it can be difficult to tell, pursuing women who do not have red hair isn’t a good time investment. Eventually you will look at her hair, realize it’s not red, and come to understand that you’ve settled for less. It hasn’t been my experience that there is any caustic resin produced at the, um, “venue.” That’s a misnomer. What you have to watch for are the surprisingly strong pedipalps.
Everybody is playing Letterpress, because it is Boggle Q-Bert and that’s a good thing to be. It’s not without its problems, though; words games are only as good as their dictionaries allow them to be. There are some deep holes here, and they aren’t the good kind. Utterly commonplace, everyday words like “flavacol,” “breathplay,” and “zoophile” lie forlorn, their points unscored. Finding one of these deeply normal words in the soup and then being denied its use stirs some ancient organ to life in my gut; it I think it is the organ responsible for war.
< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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Red Hot
Posted by News Fetcher on November 08 '12 at 11:15 PM
From Penny Arcade:


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