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The Vault Of Winter, Part Seven
Posted by News Fetcher on December 21 '12 at 07:15 AM
From Penny Arcade:


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Gamers vs. Evil now on iOS!
Posted by News Fetcher on December 19 '12 at 11:30 AM
By Gabe from Penny Arcade:
The Penny Arcade Game:Gamers vs. evil is now available on the iOS app store. Everything you loved about our deck building game has been lovingly transferred over to this robust little app.



If you’ve never played before, the app even contains a full tutorial! So grab in ASAP to start fighting Deep Crows and collecting baby ninjas.



Also I believe our game is the only one to contain a card called “Touch Wieners”. I’m pretty sure that makes it a must buy.



Also we need more people playing to populate the multiplayer. GO GO GO!

-Gabe out

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The Vault Of Winter, Part Six
Posted by News Fetcher on December 19 '12 at 08:15 AM
From Penny Arcade:


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Holiday Shipping!
Posted by News Fetcher on December 18 '12 at 10:15 AM
By Gabe from Penny Arcade:
It is now the 18th, the last day for domestic Priority Mail, also known as the final sane shipping option.

We’ll be upgrading any standard domestic USPS shipping methods to Priority Mail. So you can just pick whatever is cheapest for you and we’ll upgrade it to Priority Mail AND ship it out TODAY so that it arrives before Christmas.

It’s a pretty sweet deal for procrastinators and for people who are so thoughtful that they’re shopping again.

After this there will just be UPS 2-day which exists but is very expensive.

We’re still running our holiday bonus items and we still have some Merch hats and Last Christmas board books left. It’s not too late to make this a very Penny Arcade Christmas for the special nerds in your life.

-Gabe out

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The Vault Of Winter, Part Five
Posted by News Fetcher on December 17 '12 at 08:30 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
The Vault of Winter, Module 5 is now available for feasting purposes. Get your choppers filed up and go crazy on them shitz!

If I am going to sit at a computer, and I’m not sitting there explicitly because I need to tell you something, I am probably playing Far Cry 3. I think I have liked every game called Far Cry; I even liked the nutballs one on the Xbox where your shit gets all mutated. I liked the second one, though not as much as industry observers are supposed to. I liked what they were trying to do, and I also liked that someone gave them the go-ahead to make a game where many of the “best parts” only happen for you, in your game. They don’t and can’t belong to anyone else.
I think that the new one has vritues; I’ve been staring at it for days, and I’m still not tired of looking at it - I haven’t reached the point where I’m “in it to win it” and all I see are ones and zeroes. I love the ways it approaches stealth, and its idea of what that should mean, where they model and reward a supercondensed version of the genre’s typical approach. I love that - like Conviction - when you decide to make your move, there are ways to catalyze a single action into a hyperkinetic fractal.
I like Far Cry 3 also because it is Assassin’s Creed. It even has towers I can reclaim and animals I can skin! I just did all this stuff like a month ago, but I guess I wasn’t tired of it. Some people don’t like the clutter and noise of all the cluttered, noisy things which are always popping up; I like them because these islands are big for real and I want to know where I’m supposed to go next. If I one of these psychotic, man-sized birds I want it to tell me right away if that kind of bird is good for making wallets. Also, I like making wallets apparently(?).
< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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The Vault Of Winter, Part Four
Posted by News Fetcher on December 17 '12 at 08:30 AM
From Penny Arcade:


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The Vault Of Winter, Part Four
Posted by News Fetcher on December 14 '12 at 10:15 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
Vault of Winter, Module 4: Blood On The Gate

With the Emerald Storm passing so near the Prime Material, passage to the Feywild is a dangerous (if not utterly lethal) endeavor. Hunks of shredding, sentient gem routinely liquefy interlopers travelling without the benefit of Elven expertise. Characters who acquired Aelf-Buxx in the first three modules may now expend them to secure guides of varying quality, according to the following chart:

Aelf-Buxx Assistance Outcome
1 Aelf-Buck Quarter-Elf, Mother’s Side Shredded Completely
2 Aelf-Buxx Half-Elf Dickhole Stretched Out
3 Aelf-Buxx Elf With Benefits It’s Complicated
4 Aelf-Buxx Super Elf Dong Transmuted To Iron
9 Aelf-Buxx Aeofel Elhromane Safe Passage/Scones


Upon exiting the portal, if that is a thing that even happens, the snowspire of Lord Wyntyr (“wean-tehr”) is plainly visible. A direct approach would be suicide, but if you have something else you need to do tonight you are welcome to suggest it. In this foolhardly, genuinely hilarious scenario, the party encounters 1d6+1 Paindeer.


Each wears a Blessed Windmantle and is armed with a devastating Psychic Goad. Each antler acts as an additional equipment slot; Permafrost Bulbs and Wave-Bangles are an especially unfair combination, then again, two Grave-Bells will probably do the trick. It’s pretty hard to fight a bipedal deer person when you’re dead twice.
(CW)TB out.
<a>wild and sweet</a>

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Dickerdoodles 2012
Posted by News Fetcher on December 14 '12 at 09:45 AM
By Gabe from Penny Arcade:
Rejoice perverts, it’s Dickerdoodle season again!



That’s right It’s that glorious time of year when our thoughts turn to penis shaped cookies and frosting that looks like semen. So get in the kitchen and start baking some sweet sweet dessert porn!

I’ll post my favorites here on the site and then pick three winners. Those lucky erotic bakers will each receive a prize pack full of Penny Arcade merchandise.



One last thing, before you snap a photo of yourself deep-throating a cookie prick and mail it to me, I want you to remember that these will be posted on the Internet. If that’s cool with you then please send me your photo and be sure and put “Dickerdoodle12” in the subject line. If you don’t use the right subject line I can’t promise I’ll see your shameful acts. You’ve got until Dec, 21st to send in your entries.



show me your worst/best you sickos!

-Gabe out

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Free Upgrade to Priority Mail!
Posted by News Fetcher on December 14 '12 at 09:30 AM
By Gabe from Penny Arcade:
Word from Brian is that the Penny Arcade store is being brutalized by the vigor of your holiday shopping.

Today is the Christmas order deadline for UPS Ground! Order by midnight tonight if you want to ship your order with this viable and popular shipping method.OR select Parcel Post or Domestic First-Class and we will upgrade your order to the Priority Mail option for free, getting your order to you in time for Christmas!

The Parcel/First Class Domestic to Priority Mail upgrade runs through the 18th… so you’ve got 4 days left for Christmas shopping, basically.

Don’t forget, If you spend $90 or more, you get the first of our Pinny Arcade pins, the Merch Pin! We have really big plans for Pinny Arcade and this is the only way to get the Merch pin besides trading for it later.


< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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The Vault Of Winter, Part Four
Posted by News Fetcher on December 13 '12 at 11:15 PM
From Penny Arcade:


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We Made A Mechwarrior Online Guide
Posted by News Fetcher on December 12 '12 at 01:30 PM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
Although Guide should probably be in quotation marks. The game has a dogged, uncompromising insistence on simulating a BattleMech as opposed to making twitch shooter times, which is fairly noble in the current business climate. They could have sought a larger audience by making it less, well, MechWarrior, and they chose not to. They chose instead to find their audience, and damn the torpedoes. I had a lot of fun “researching” while we put the project together; it’s not inconceivable that you may like it also.

(CW)TB

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The Vault Of Winter, Part Three
Posted by News Fetcher on December 11 '12 at 11:15 PM
From Penny Arcade:


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Holiday Shipping
Posted by News Fetcher on December 11 '12 at 09:15 AM
By Gabe from Penny Arcade:
Today is December 11th and that means we’ve hit a few shipping deadlines today. If you want to get something from the Penny Arcade store and you want it delivered before Christmas you should be sure and consult this list:

US Domestic:

First-Class and Parcel Post - December 11th

UPS Ground - December 14th

Priority Mail - December 18th

UPS 2nd Day Air - December 20th

International:
First-Class - December 2nd
Priority Mail - December 7th
Express Mail - December 11th

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Dickerdoodles 2012
Posted by News Fetcher on December 10 '12 at 12:00 PM
By Gabe from Penny Arcade:
Rejoice perverts, it’s Dickerdoodle season again!



That’s right It’s that glorious time of year when our thoughts turn to penis shaped cookies and frosting that looks like semen. So get in the kitchen and start baking some sweet sweet dessert porn!

I’ll post my favorites here on the site and then pick three winners. Those lucky erotic bakers will each receive a prize pack full of Penny Arcade merchandise.



One last thing, before you snap a photo of yourself deep-throating a cookie prick and mail it to me, I want you to remember that these will be posted on the Internet. If that’s cool with you then please send me your photo and be sure and put “Dickerdoodle12” in the subject line. If you don’t use the right subject line I can’t promise I’ll see your shameful acts. You’ve got until Dec, 21st to send in your entries.



show me your worst/best you sickos!

-Gabe out

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The Vault Of Winter, Part Two
Posted by News Fetcher on December 10 '12 at 11:30 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
I like Acquisitions Incorporated a lot. On some level, it was an advertisement I suppose, but I think it’s one of the good ones and the kind of thing I’d be getting up to anyway. The series we’re doing now isn’t work for hire, or a partnership along the lines of Scott’s Table Titans - this one’s on the house, which is no doubt bad business, but we can’t leave these characters well enough alone. Anything official this year is a part of their Underdark push anyway, and the characters in Vault of Winter basically go to the polar opposite of that.

It’s a very strange thing to have them be born in one place, in one context, and then try to go about the process of making them Real Boys. Like any other time we indulge ourselves in an extended piece, now I don’t want to stop. Completely independent of any specific game, there’s no ceiling on the shit I could pull off with this crew. Plus, armed with Kiko’s official sigil:


there’s no end to the branding opportunities, one of which could be for use as a literal brand. Here is THE VAULT OF WINTER, Part Two.

One of very few scenarios where I can cosplay in an utterly sanctioned way, clad thickly in ironic plate, the Live games - roleplaying as theater - work far better than I would have suspected. People watch other people play games all the time, so I should have recognized that proxy-play has a fairly storied history and taken it from there. It’s not actually that weird; and it works so well that I suspect it must not be that uncommon, even if I’ve never heard of it happening somewhere else.
< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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The Vault Of Winter, Part Two
Posted by News Fetcher on December 09 '12 at 11:15 PM
From Penny Arcade:


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Dickerdoodles 2012
Posted by News Fetcher on December 08 '12 at 03:30 PM
By Gabe from Penny Arcade:
Rejoice perverts, it’s Dickerdoodle season again!



That’s right It’s that glorious time of year when our thoughts turn to penis shaped cookies and frosting that looks like semen. So get in the kitchen and start baking some sweet sweet dessert porn!

I’ll post my favorites here on the site and then pick three winners. Those lucky erotic bakers will each receive a prize pack full of Penny Arcade merchandise.



One last thing, before you snap a photo of yourself deep-throating a cookie prick and mail it to me, I want you to remember that these will be posted on the Internet. If that’s cool with you then please send me your photo and be sure and put “Dickerdoodle12” in the subject line. If you don’t use the right subject line I can’t promise I’ll see your shameful acts. You’ve got until Dec, 21st to send in your entries.



show me your worst/best you sickos!

-Gabe out

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The Vault Of Winter, Part One
Posted by News Fetcher on December 07 '12 at 10:00 AM
By Tycho from Penny Arcade:
We’ve always wanted to make a longer form comic with Acquisitions Incorporated, and with the holidays coming up we had an opportunity to drop it in. I think it’s, like… eight comics, and it could have been longer, but I we decided that was sufficiently ridiculous. And we have a very high threshold for ridiculousness. So think about that.
We give you: Acquisitions Incorporated, in THE VAULT OF WINTER.

The annual Child’s Play Charity Dinner & Auction was a barnburner, not literally of course; indeed, I suspect that on the contrary any nearby barns would be healed. Our collective “high score” for the evening was two hundred and seventy thousand dollars, which puts us perilously close to our goal if not beyond it. I usually don’t bid on Main Stage items, but I did this time; a ring of actual gold from Pat Rothfuss, which came with A Favor attached, to be redeemed at the time of the buyer’s choosing. I don’t take a favor offered from a writer lightly, so I was willing to pay, but people knew I was willing to pay, and I suspect I may have been bid up a bit. I’m not entirely comfortable saying how much; suffice it to say, I did my duty. For several years. In advance. In fact, I might be done.

I made this year’s Child’s Play purchases earlier in the day, with the grievous damage wrought by my Tychpos appended, so… wow. I’m glad I’m already sitting down. Let’s take a look:

- Nintendo DSi XL - Metallic Rose

< article continued at Penny Arcade >

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The Vault Of Winter, Part One
Posted by News Fetcher on December 06 '12 at 11:15 PM
From Penny Arcade:


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New Figurines
Posted by News Fetcher on December 05 '12 at 11:15 AM
By Gabe from Penny Arcade:
We did not expect to have these done in time for the holiday season but they showed up in the warehouse yesterday. So now our newest figurine is on the store and ready for your buying. It is actually a set of two that come in one box. They are based on the 16-bit Tycho and Gabe sprites from RSPD. We thought they would look cool as 3D figures and I think they came out great.



</a>

Each one was painted by hand, which looks good but takes a long time, so we got a few finished and rushed them here. We only have about 200 sets for now.

Remember that if you want your order delivered by Christmas, you should order from our store by midnight on these shipping deadlines:

US Domestic:

First-Class and Parcel Post - December 11th

UPS Ground - December 14th

Priority Mail - December 18th

UPS 2nd Day Air - December 20th

International:

First-Class - December 2nd

Priority Mail - December 7th

Express Mail - December 11th

-Gabe out

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